listing: all - local
1
47
What did the lettuce say to the celery? (lemmy.ml)
submitted 2 days ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
6 comments fedilink

"Quit stalking me!"

2
71
On my way to work this morning a tractor nearly crashed into me. The driver was shouting about the end of the world being nigh... (feddit.uk)
submitted 2 days ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
4 comments fedilink

... I think it was Farmer Geddon.

3
62
I got a new pair of shoes from my recreational pharmaceutical direct sales outlet. (ttrpg.network)
submitted 3 days ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
2 comments fedilink

I don't know what they were laced with, but I've been tripping all day.

4
103
Why does a moon rock taste better than an earth rock? (lemmy.ml)
submitted 3 days ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
8 comments fedilink

It's a little meteor.

5
144
Why is money called dough? (lemmy.world)
submitted 3 days ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
1 comments fedilink

Because everyone kneads it.

6
65
What do you give a sick lemon? (lemmy.ml)
submitted 3 days ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
3 comments fedilink

Lemon aid.

7
-28
What do you call a midget psychic in jail? (lemmy.world)
submitted 1 day ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
2 comments fedilink

A small medium at large.

8
41
I stopped telling "Yo Mama" jokes because they were déclassé. (midwest.social)
submitted 4 days ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
3 comments fedilink

Now I tell Yo-Yo Ma jokes, which are much classier.

9
65
Why do seagulls fly over the sea? (lemm.ee)
submitted 6 days ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
9 comments fedilink

Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be bay gulls.

10
90
Where do saplings go to learn? (lemmy.ml)
submitted 1 week ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
7 comments fedilink

Elemen-tree school.

11
153
What do you call a belt made of wristwatches? (lemmy.ml)
submitted 1 week ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
9 comments fedilink

A waist of time.

12
49
Thought of this community when we revisited the park (hope it gets attached this time and not potato quality) (lemmy.world)
submitted 1 week ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
11 comments fedilink
13
-4
Thought of this community when we revisited the park (lemmy.world)
submitted 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
0 comments fedilink

Aww my img didn't upload

14
75
Why do neutron stars perform so poorly in school? (lemm.ee)
submitted 1 week ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
5 comments fedilink

They're far too dense

15
131
That French chef freaks me out... (lemmy.world)
submitted 1 week ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
4 comments fedilink

...he gives me the crepes.

16
147
What do you call bears without ears? (lemmy.ml)
submitted 1 week ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
5 comments fedilink

B.

17
78
Last week I thought I was a sea snake. (lemmy.world)
submitted 1 week ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
1 comments fedilink

I'm glad I'm over that eelness.

18
70
Why do electrons dislike each other? (lemm.ee)
submitted 2 weeks ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
3 comments fedilink

They're all too negative to get along.

19
-4
Did you know that before the release of the film Alien (1979) starring Sigourney Weaver... (kbin.social)
submitted 2 weeks ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
5 comments fedilink

...people had to weave their own sigourneys by hand?

20
105
Did you know a characteristic of killer whales is that they work together? (lemmy.world)
submitted 2 weeks ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
6 comments fedilink

The orcas' trait is they orchestrate

21
114
I used to have a fear of elevators... (lemmy.world)
submitted 2 weeks ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
2 comments fedilink

But I've been taking steps to avoid it.

22
141
What happened before the invention of the crowbar? (feddit.uk)
submitted 2 weeks ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
1 comments fedilink

Crows had to drink at home.

23
349
Camper? I hardly know ‘er! (i.imgur.com)
submitted 2 weeks ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
12 comments fedilink
24
87
Why couldn't the leopard play hide-and-seek? (lemmy.ml)
submitted 2 weeks ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
2 comments fedilink

He was always spotted.

25
37
Why'd they fire the guy working as an internal advisor in the United Nations? (sopuli.xyz)
submitted 3 weeks ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
1 comments fedilink

'cause he was UN-professional

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Dad Jokes

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This is a community for sharing those cheesy “dad” jokes that invoke an eye roll or chuckle.

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