muusemuuse

The exposure is deliberate. If you keep secrets they can be used to blackmail or discredit you later. If everybody already knows something it’s more difficult to weaponize against you.

The illusion of a fine upstanding pretty perfect little muusemuuse is unimportant to me. I need to be safe, not to impress people.

Getting mental health help now works against me in multiple ways. First, it creates a dependency on a support structure that can’t travel. Therapists are in short supply and high demand. Psych medications can be taken away at any time and their sudden absence would effectively paralyze me. I’m actually at a rather strange advantage having finally adjusted to their absence. I’m miserable, I’m scared, but I haven’t lost touch with reality. I understand what’s real and what isn’t. I don’t hear voices or hallucinate. I don’t have violent tendencies. There’s just no compelling reason to put myself in greater danger by getting mental health help in red state USA in 2025.

Making things public like this also limits me. I’m more likely to be guided toward a better outcome. The majority of people are still good. They still want to help eachother. Even on the Internet there’s enough good there to help me. And if I should deteriorate significantly further, this acts as a failsafe for that too. People won’t notice a gradual decline but something sudden will raise alarms.

My friends and family are incredibly worried about me but right now is that’s what I need.

Getting mental health help risks shortening my available time to prepare. It creates another dependency that could make fleeing more difficult as well.

I’m aware I’m spiraling but there’s nothing I can do about it here. Getting mental health care is dangerous now as the Trump administration already said their end goal is to take psych patients and put them in work camps.

I lost access to health care when I lost my job a while back. When I got a new job when health coverage, Trump came to power and I now can’t risk using it. Even if it goes well, they medication could be taken away at any moment and I’ll have to go through a sudden withdrawl again. I’ll lose my job if that happens, which means I’ll be worse off than I am now.

I need to get myself in a situation where it is safe to care for myself.

But I’ll have a target on my back and be tethered to those locations.

I’m almost 40, only speak English, only have my bachelors. :(

I dont have any qualifications to teach.

It's only halfway paid off but it worth more than I paid so I'm keeping it. A uhaul is probably in the cards anyway.

Oh god I miss pet therapy. My cat died last year. A snuggly little manx named Ada Lovelace. I still miss her terribly. I dont have any downtime or spare money right now and I don't see that changing. A lot needs to go well in my life for me to be able to pull off this self-rescue, and I'm still in the planning stages but I appreciate the offer.

I drive a chevy bolt EV. While it has fast charge capability, it's still a cheap EV and that fast charge still takes about an hour. Going through hostile territory isnt likely safe in my little hippymobile since I will be vulnerable at charging stations. I'll probably have to rent a uhaul and tow it, making this trip more expensive.

My fear is that will take more time than I have.

The costs are higher but so is the average pay so it's bad but not as bad as it seems. As for Ohio, this state is heavily gerrymandered and has been for years. The republicans regularly ignore the courts and their constituents. There is no accountability here.

That's the problem. We can all see whats coming, but it's happening so fast that it will be too late. If I put in for asylum, I'll be dead in the oven before anyone can even process the paperwork. If I just cross the border and try to wait things out there, I'll have no way to feed or house myself, I'll have no access to medications. And if things go really bad and this spreads to canada, they may just send be back to the US and I'll end up in an oven anyway.