Canada

The exposure is deliberate. If you keep secrets they can be used to blackmail or discredit you later. If everybody already knows something it’s more difficult to weaponize against you.

The illusion of a fine upstanding pretty perfect little muusemuuse is unimportant to me. I need to be safe, not to impress people.

Getting mental health help now works against me in multiple ways. First, it creates a dependency on a support structure that can’t travel. Therapists are in short supply and high demand. Psych medications can be taken away at any time and their sudden absence would effectively paralyze me. I’m actually at a rather strange advantage having finally adjusted to their absence. I’m miserable, I’m scared, but I haven’t lost touch with reality. I understand what’s real and what isn’t. I don’t hear voices or hallucinate. I don’t have violent tendencies. There’s just no compelling reason to put myself in greater danger by getting mental health help in red state USA in 2025.

Making things public like this also limits me. I’m more likely to be guided toward a better outcome. The majority of people are still good. They still want to help eachother. Even on the Internet there’s enough good there to help me. And if I should deteriorate significantly further, this acts as a failsafe for that too. People won’t notice a gradual decline but something sudden will raise alarms.

My friends and family are incredibly worried about me but right now is that’s what I need.