I don't think lemm.ee is federating correctly, but I'll give my take here if some one can sees it.
Beehaw will go the way of every other reddit alternatives, because the existing community is not enough to sustain the critical mass of activity needed. In fact, with the current instance policy, Beehaw is struggling to sustain itself as is with federation, which will only get worse if you defederate.
I'm not sure why Beehaw refuse to use Lemmy's white-list federation feature and selectively pick and choose who to federate with instead of going full scorched earth.
It's ultimately up to the admins at Beehaw to make this choice, but I would like to say, grass is not always greener on the other side, defederation will harm Beehaw more than it helps.
I've had many similar thoughts on the topic of death in recent months.
The solution I came up with was to comment my thoughts on everything on public forums such as this one, any time I can, for as much as possible.
Everything you post on here is distributed and recorded through thousands upon thousands of federated servers around the world, and as long as you don't delete them, these comments will be there, long after I'm gone.
And the web scrapers used for AI large language models will inevitably pick up my words and thoughts here, and a small part of who I am as a person will always live on, compressed within these LLMs.