The Onion

MIERES, SPAIN—Claiming they had received credible reports of the Michelin-starred chef’s connections to Hamas, Israel reportedly ordered a strike on World Central Kitchen founder José Andrés’ boyhood home Thursday. “Today, the Israeli military carried out a strike on the remote Spanish town of Mieres in order to eliminate the home where José Andrés was born and raised,” said U.N. military observer Manuel Ríos, adding that despite the home’s location in a region of Spain more than 2,000 miles from the zone of combat in Gaza, Israel had launched three long-range precision missiles that targeted the exact coordinates of Andrés’ childhood bedroom.

“While Israeli intelligence may have linked Chef Andrés to that location, the truth is that he had not lived at that address since he was 6 years old. And it did not stop there. Within just a few seconds of his childhood home being destroyed, several of Andrés’ restaurants, including minibar by José Andrés in Washington, D.C., and é by José Andrés in Las Vegas were also hit by Israeli missiles.” At press time, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu had addressed the attack, stating that Israel would launch an internal investigation into why Andrés had survived.