this post was submitted on 09 Feb 2024
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!


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Refrain from using harmful language pertaining to a protected characteristic: e.g. race, gender, sexuality, disability or religion.

Refrain from being argumentative when responding or commenting to posts/replies. Personal attacks are not welcome here.

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[–] [email protected] 114 points 10 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 35 points 10 months ago (4 children)
[–] [email protected] 17 points 10 months ago (1 children)

And breathing would be nice

[–] [email protected] 21 points 10 months ago (1 children)

I don't know don't want to feel too picky

[–] [email protected] 4 points 10 months ago

Besides, she could just be being friendly. You never know.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 10 months ago (2 children)

I think sapience is a prerequisite to consent, so humans would be the only qualified candidate (native to earth at least)

[–] [email protected] 4 points 10 months ago (2 children)

Cops are pigs yet they can consent

[–] [email protected] 12 points 10 months ago

Oh yeah, good point!

  1. Consenting adult
  2. Not a cop
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[–] [email protected] 4 points 10 months ago

As long as it passes the Harkness test, I’m down.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 10 months ago

*Elven women grumble on the sidelines*

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[–] [email protected] 78 points 10 months ago (2 children)

Now, I don't want to be too picky, but her being alive would be nice.

[–] [email protected] 29 points 10 months ago (1 children)

> Hi mom, hi dad! Meet my gf [redacted]!

*whispering*

> Yes, she's a little bit dug up corpse, but don't say that around her: she's kinda sensitive about it.

(Stolen from a random video/podcast)

[–] [email protected] 8 points 10 months ago

I also get upset when people say i look like a corpse,

Just because i am one doesn't mean you have to constantly point it out!

[–] [email protected] 9 points 10 months ago

I mean, alive, consenting age, not Intellectually disable, not in a coma.. also, we all know can"t be fat

[–] [email protected] 51 points 10 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 10 points 10 months ago

instance checks out

[–] [email protected] 46 points 10 months ago

Female (optional)

[–] [email protected] 45 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Not even that. If they are just feminine thats enough for me

[–] [email protected] 8 points 10 months ago

furries have entered the chat

[–] [email protected] 31 points 10 months ago
[–] [email protected] 31 points 10 months ago

Negotiable...

[–] [email protected] 29 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Too bad you're cutting off half of human population! ;-)

[–] [email protected] 9 points 10 months ago

Yeah op got no chance

[–] [email protected] 21 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Meanwhile, here are my Garfield requirements:

  1. is an orange cat

  2. is funny

  3. is part of a comic strip called "Garfield"

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[–] [email protected] 20 points 10 months ago (2 children)

And girls have the opposite problem. Too many guys out there who are interested, but no way to know which ones are good.

[–] [email protected] 34 points 10 months ago (3 children)

Being a straight man looking for a partner is like dying of thirst in a desert.

Being a straight woman looking for a partner is like dying of thirst at sea.

[–] [email protected] 27 points 10 months ago

Is it because sea water is undrinkable?

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[–] [email protected] 13 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Maybe the main problem is that the guys who are interested are solely interested because the girls require their one and only requirement of being, well, female.

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[–] [email protected] 16 points 10 months ago

Preferably but negotiable.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 10 months ago
[–] [email protected] 14 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (6 children)

So closed-minded! I'm sure you could loosen a bit this criterium, think of all the cute cat-eared femboys available in your area.

edit: typo

[–] [email protected] 23 points 10 months ago (4 children)

How is this different from a straight guy trying to seduce a lesbian?

[–] [email protected] 10 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (3 children)

Call me crazy, but I think it was just a joke continuing along the lines of OPs "I'm not picky" joke, on a shitpost community, not a serious request to be OP's partner.

Like if I commented "eh if you're fine being less picky, I, Dave, can be your girlfriend", would I really be a weirdo sex pest like you're making out? Or would I just be someone having a joke on the internet?

[–] [email protected] 6 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (3 children)

That's fair, but there's also the context of some very aggressive "I can unstraighten you" peeps on the fediverse. Mostly femboys and trans women. They're all over blahaj.

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[–] [email protected] 21 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Same energy as a straight dude trying to 'fix' a lesbian.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Bro we are in a shitposting community

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[–] [email protected] 9 points 10 months ago (1 children)

This is what Arlo's legs actually look like.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 10 months ago

just below the camera it just instantly cuts to full-sized human legs wearing thigh-highs, mercifully the transition is hidden by the miniskirt

[–] [email protected] 4 points 10 months ago

They are pretty good at hiding in my area.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 10 months ago (1 children)

So what distro of Linux do you use?

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[–] [email protected] 13 points 10 months ago

Someone is being too picky...

[–] [email protected] 12 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

You only date females? Wow that's a really offensive and insensitive thing to say. Also unrealistic, as this criteria blocks out half of all people. Prepare to get cancelled /s

[–] [email protected] 8 points 10 months ago

I'll settle for a ai driven robot girlfriend at this point.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 10 months ago

Contentious

[–] [email protected] 4 points 10 months ago

Those requirements disclude many other options. You may want to reconsider.

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