Just say you don't fuck and tell and you've moved on. It wasn't as good as you have it now so you want to focus on the current relationship
this post was submitted on 28 Mar 2025
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Incorrect. She will sense something amiss and keep digging.
Maybe this sounds like sexism, but in my experience you cannot outsmart women about this type of stuff. Whatever deception your male brain comes up with will be like a 4-year-old trying to play chess with an adult.
Trying to continue the deception, now that you fucked up by attempting it for some reason, won't work. Refusing to talk about it won't work. Admitting you lied to her definitely won't work. Hiring a random woman to pretend to be your ex won't work. Faking your own death to escape the situation won't work. Going back in time and dating a real person and then incepting her memories so that she remembers you talking about this other real person won't work.
How do you win, then? You make decent money, you keep yourself fit and generally do what you're supposed to do, and you lose arguments and get outsmarted sometimes. All of a sudden shit will be fine. That is the winning.
No.
Its problematic if you set a boundary and the other person keeps pushing when you've said no and asked them drop it. Also, they don't have a right to that information and it has no materiality to them anyway but those are not necessary for you to set a boundary and insist they respect it
If you can't say no to her about something this simple, it will be worse when actually real and complicated life shit happens and you need to say no while the relationship is out of practice in accepting and honoring it when such tests and situations arise.
It really is that simple. You refuse to play the game (which you have no way of knowing if it is or isnt a game or test so its pointless to risk it anyway) and you offer yourself as you are now and ask that she does the same as she is now without looking back
Orfeo et Erudice is a good example of why you never look back lol
Edit: just want to comment on the lying part. Lies suck because they hand over control of your entire being over to someone else that you low or high key will feel the need to comply with to avoid detection. Its the cheapest and shittiest way to deal with a situation because it basically means you're willing to sign over your autonomy and freedom and being authentic over to someone else whom you felt you couldn't answer or respond to truthfully.
The truth is, you don't ever have to lie if you choose not to, you can always say some form of I can't answer that or its none of their business or you will talk with them about it in the future when you are ready.
Lying sucks on all sides of a relationship and its better to just refuse to answer or politely decline than ever have to track a single other lie again. Lying makes you a slave to people you wouldn't otherwise defer to and that makes it just terrible. If you've lied to someone you love, try to find a way to save face and bury it and move on so you're not worried about it. You can unilaterally decide not to address it in the future and that may be better but closure should always be the highest ideal you work towards.
What?
"I'm allowed to lie to you and then set a boundary that you can't probe the lie when you sense something is amiss" is some top-tier manipulation. You skipped straight past D and A, and came with RVO right out of the gate.
If you had said pretty much exactly what you said, but then followed it up with "But of course, you forfeited your right to police the other person's behavior when you started lying to them about important things, so none of this generally-sensible advice applies in your case" I would actually agree with you. Nothing in the advice is really totally off-base. But, also, don't lie about big stuff.
I wouldn't say lying that you have an ex that you don't actually have is a "big lie." I mean yeah its a lie he shouldn't have made, but I wouldn't call it a big lie or even an important one. It does set a precedence of lying, which is bad, but the lie itself is one that really holds no weight on tge relationship (besides the act of lying in of itself). However the partner is not beyond fault either. Being this pushy about an ex is (I feel) a red flag. In the end, both parties involved are being stupid and toxic and probably just shouldn't be together in the first place cause it will just escalate unless they can grow enough as people.
Being this pushy about an ex is (I feel) a red flag.
Yeah, but like I said this doesn't really apply if she can sense that there is actually something messed up that he's trying to hide. Which there is. Just being randomly pushy about it, I agree, that would be weird. But this is like someone getting mad when driving drunk because the police pulled them over for no reason. Like no... I pulled you over because you were driving drunk.
In the end, both parties involved are being stupid and toxic and probably just shouldn’t be together in the first place cause it will just escalate unless they can grow enough as people.
As far as the man, I completely agree. You have absolutely no basis for saying that the woman in this story needs to grow, though. Again: He's hiding something and (presumably) she's digging because she can sense he's hiding something. That is my read of it. She could also be toxic and just digging because of some pathology on her part, but not necessarily.
Fair, we are only seeing this from a 4chan-er's perspective (which is obviously fake and gay)
Yeah the whole thing is hilarious to me.
"I lied to my gf and now I have problems"
"I'm super edgelord"
"Keep lying, that'll work, she's the problem"
"You guys are hanging out with women?"
I was just randomly inserting my attempt at some actual advice into the mixture.
I think the only right answer is to tell the truth and deal with whatever consequences come your way. A relationship supported by lying isnt a relationship worth having
Yeah. If telling the truth is accompanied by genuine growth as a person to where you understand the fucked-up-ness and that you’re probably not going to hear the end of it from this particular person, ever, then that could be a way of success too.
"in my experience you cannot outsmart women"
Telling on yourself in a big way there bud.
If anyone is ever in this situation: Don't lie about small stupid stuff like this. Only lie about the big things.
Fake: Anon didn't have an ex-girlfriend
Gay: Anon had an ex-boyfriend
I mean... She will probably be like: "you had my curiosity, but now you have my attention"