Class 13 Death World
this post was submitted on 05 Mar 2025
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If we're going by Columbus logic, probably "Jupiter"
Can we get to Jupiter through Earth? No, but at least there’s beaver.
Meat Packing Facility #173
The call it "Dirt". There was a misunderstanding with the word "Earth" and it got translated to soil or dirt, so they picked "Dirt".
“This isn’t Mars? You’re not martians? Ah fuck you, you’re martians.”
“West Martians”.
Hmm, so they were aiming for something else, but got here instead because they had crank theories about the shape of the universe? (Columbus thought Earth was egg-shaped instead of a sphere, like everyone had correctly thought since the time of ancient Greece)
They call us something translating to "the Andromidans".
I mean you don't have to go with the analogy fully, but yeah, that's a deep answer, I suppose.
Translated to English, probably “Name-of-Star” 3, as in 3rd planet from our star, same system as Star Trek. The key difference is Columbus had no idea where he was going, and aliens have to know exactly where they’re going. Can’t shoot into space and find a planet by accident.
Chances are you can find a planet by accident, it's just going to take a very long time
Blue Marble probably
The Wet Ball of Trash
Are the aliens going to rape and enslave?
Very likely
Salty Water Ball With Some Dirt Patches
their new colony
Probably not Alienia
Shithead
Water planet with cancerous hairless simian population.
"Planet of the money-crazy hairless apes that can't relax"
Or "Klaus"...
Open season on the tasty meat creatures
Probably some Italian gibberish.
A fixer-upper.