this post was submitted on 23 Jan 2024
155 points (89.3% liked)

memes

10186 readers
2228 users here now

Community rules

1. Be civilNo trolling, bigotry or other insulting / annoying behaviour

2. No politicsThis is non-politics community. For political memes please go to [email protected]

3. No recent repostsCheck for reposts when posting a meme, you can only repost after 1 month

4. No botsNo bots without the express approval of the mods or the admins

5. No Spam/AdsNo advertisements or spam. This is an instance rule and the only way to live.

Sister communities

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
 
top 16 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] [email protected] 42 points 9 months ago

Sometimes that’s okay.

As long as it’s not overly one sided and they do engage when you message them, don’t overthink it.

If it’s really that one sided then it should just naturally fizzle out without much thought. Either way, it’s not worth worrying about.

[–] [email protected] 26 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

This isn't really a big deal. A lot of introverts are friends with extroverts because they're more comfortable doing things they don't want to do. It's no different than being friends with someone because they work harder to maintain a line of communication. So long as you show appreciation for that dynamic it can be healthy, especially if you're up front about your struggles.

Lots of extroverts would appreciate how they're allowed to be the center of enertainment within the group or that they're allowed to take the reigns on what the group does. So long as it's symbiotic you're needlessly dropping potentially amazing friends by overthinking and applying your version of fairness that probably doesn't match anyone elses version. It's far better to just put in the effort you want to put in and keep expectations at a minimum.

[–] [email protected] 20 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Of course there's an xkcd about it. I've found that I land on the left side of this spectrum with all of my friends - but also none of us text each other to begin with anyways.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Yeah, my best friend and I text like a few times a year.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (1 children)

Assuming you’re not kidding, how do you keep in touch enough to feel you’re best friends?

[–] [email protected] 2 points 9 months ago (1 children)

When you catch up after a few months apart it just works. I feel like that is part of what indicates a good friend.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 9 months ago

Yup, we go backpacking a few times a year, and that's really all it takes.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 9 months ago (1 children)

I'm autistic and i almost never remember to initiat the conversation, or feel like it's not appropriate. If any of my friends felt like you do, i won't have any more friends. And i love my friends a lot and can't survive without them. Don't over think it. Each has their own way of socializing. It's about the journey, not its initiation :)

[–] [email protected] 1 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (1 children)

You but maybe your friends have anxiety and start to overthink things. Just text your fucking friends bro, they’ll appreciate it.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

I do, just not as often. I can't control it. I do make sure to let them know i appreciate them contacting me though. As much as possible. Also, i don't understand why the beginning of socializing is more important than the rest of it. Why is me being engaged and interested, continue the conversation, showing appreciation throughout, and making it obvious that I'm enjoying it and would enjoy more in the future, why does that have less weight than a "hi"? I can start a conversation with anyone, wither i like it or not. But keeping up the conversation is what matters to me.

You're right though, it is a teamwork thing. Any relationship requires work from both sides. I present my work by showing appreciation to my friends, and so far it seems like it's working in lowering their anxiety and over thinking :)

[–] [email protected] 10 points 9 months ago (2 children)

Who keeps track of that? Seems weak.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 9 months ago

Right? I'm guessing this is a teenage thing and we the olds just don't understand?

I mean, I keep track in the sense that I'm introverted enough to never, ever, ever call anybody socially unless I have a practical reason, but that's why social media, group chats and extroverted people exist.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 9 months ago

People with social anxiety who wonder if they’re just annoying you by texting you too much or more than they should.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 9 months ago

If the person in question has ADHD, maybe cut them some slack. I have ADHD and I'm terrible at messaging people even though I enjoy talking to them and hanging out with them. I hope that my friends understand that.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 9 months ago

I see this on askreddit all the time, "I realized I was the one reaching out, so I decided to let them initiate the conversation. We haven't talked in years".

[–] [email protected] -5 points 9 months ago

I have a 2:1 rule. If I start a conversation with you two times, I won't talk to you again. Until you take the initiative the third time.