The Onion

5097 readers

1423 users here now

The Onion

A place to share and discuss stories from The Onion, Clickhole, and other satire.

Great Satire Writing:

founded 3 years ago

MODERATORS

[email protected]

316

Democrats Blocked From Entering Capitol Building Due to 'Push' Door Labeled 'Pull' (reductress.com)

submitted 12 hours ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

11 comments fedilink hide all child comments

Reporters gathered at the scene noted that by “putting [his] body on the line,” this particular lawmaker apparently just meant standing at the back of a quiet group and playing online chess on his phone.

top 11 comments

sorted by: hot top controversial new old

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 hour ago

[–] [email protected] 37 points 10 hours ago (1 children)

[–] [email protected] 9 points 7 hours ago

Came here to post this. Glad someone was already there.

[–] [email protected] 28 points 10 hours ago

“We know you elected us to do this, but they put up a sign that clearly keeps us from doing what we were elected to do. How dare we break decorum in the name of putting even a slight speed bump in the way of the race to fascism.

In fact, we’re starting to think the fascists might actually be willing to compromise and let us keep taking our bribes… I mean, participating in government. You know fascists- they’re known for their willingness to compromise and meet you halfway.”

[–] [email protected] 44 points 11 hours ago

sigh

This is the cutting wit I should be laughing at.....but life is too depressing.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 11 hours ago

if it needs to be labelled that's bad design.

if you need it to be labelled you might be a democrat.

[+] [email protected] -9 points 8 hours ago (1 children)

These are the same people voting to take our weapons away. How's that working out? I'm liberal and still have mine, y'all do you when the trains start running.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 8 hours ago (1 children)

You think your pistol will help you against the police "when the train start runnung"? What do you intend to do with it, shoot a tank in the eye?
Your gun will get you killed, and that's about it.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 6 hours ago (1 children)

Collective action.

America has an unregistered firearm for each American. If the army culls the general population. Now there's no supply chain. No food. No clothes. No ammo. What good is a tank that has run out of gas due to shooting the man who delivered it?

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 hours ago

Seven steps before this scenario might occure, a dark van with three armored guys comes to your house to question you, and if you so much as brandish your gun, they will legally shoot you dead. And before you fantasise more about glorious revolutions and tachankas on the streets of Washington, I need to remind you that you didn't managed to get enough momentum to vote twice in a row, and escaping to live in the forest and sabotage delivery chains requires way more commitment than marking a paper once every two years.
And that's probably a good thing. Hell doesn't exist, but the closest thing to an eternity in hell is a day in a city torn by a civil war.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 11 hours ago

Dumbocrats?