Autism

Not autistic. My perspective: I'd simply skip going to this particular coffee shop, tbh.

Young people are often cunts. They think being snide or sarcastic makes them cool or appear smart. Often because they're still very self-involved and lack life experience. It's just bullying and nasty. You don't deserve that. You especially don't deserve it as a customer. Very stupid.

If you want write a short review on google. "Autistic so I sometimes mumble. Made fun of in this coffee shop. Didn't feel welcome. Won't be returning."

Just as a warning for other customers. Not just people who are autistic, but if you're having a shit day, have social anxiety, English isn't your native language, you're going through shit, have a back ache, or are simply very tired, you don't want to made to feel like shit when ordering a coffee. Especially if you've just woken up.

Idk. If you only wanted to speak out about it and not get a forced apology then I wouldn't go. You could message the manager and let them know you didn't want an apology but just wanted to say something about it and that it was upsetting and just letting them know was enough for you.

I wouldn't go if I were you. Someone else is controlling the narrative and it sounds like an uncomfortable situation to be in with no gain at all. I'd tell the person suggesting it "thanks but no thanks."

I'm so sorry to hear this happened to you. If it was me, I don't think I could face them. I would love to think that I'd respond saying I'll never go back, even for an apology, but that alone might be too much.

Let us know what you decide to do! No wrong move here and you owe the owner nothing.

If you want to go, then go. You shouldn't feel compelled to. You may find that getting an apology, even if it is only from the manager, will help you to move past this. Sometimes it can be hard to let go and receiving permission from someone can assist.

I can say that from my end, if I didn't go for the apology, I'd probably message the manager and thank them for the offer but explain that I do not feel comfortable. I'd also probably never go there again. Getting the apology and believing that it was real would possibly make me feel like going again.

In the end, these people may not be cut out for retail/restaurant if that's how they act in customer service situations. Sadly, it's not really a career for anyone except management.

If you were to go, I would go to say this (or hand it written if that's necessary):

I don't want an apology. I want you to know that mocking people who are different is easy, and it makes you look weak and fearful. Trying to make sure that everyone gets what they need, even in small ways, is the sign of a good person. Make efforts to support people; that investment in humanity is worth it.

You can decide whether you want to describe where your social interaction abilities differ, so that they might have a better idea of how to interact with you on more comfortable terms.

That clerk needs something, too, and you have an opportunity to give it.

Should I go? I’m not sure what outcome I wanted, I think I just wanted to speak out about it.

Would it make you feel better at all or just be another stressful situation? If it won't help then don't go. Sounds like they're trying to use you to punish their shitty employee.

I think your instincts are correct; you shouldn’t go to this meeting; it will just cause the clerk to resent you every time he sees you. I work at a school, and just went through some mandatory anti-bullying training. It said the teacher SHOULD NOT call out the bully publicly, or force the bully to apologize, or insist that the victim accept an apology. All these things just aggravate the situation. Quietly putting the bully into counseling, and separating the bully from victim is the recommended procedure. That is not possible at a coffee shop! Maybe, if you are willing, the next time you go in you could just behave as if nothing had happened. I’ll admit that I would find another coffee place.

One question to ask is are you sure they were making fun of you and there’s no way you misinterpreted it? As for whether to go or not I’d say don’t. It won’t be satisfying to you no matter the outcome. And if you’re wrong on the assessment of the situation you’re putting someone else into a very embarrassing and humiliating situation themselves. Not saying you are but it can be difficult to judge a situation especially given how our neurodivergence works.

You have every right to be upset, what they did was fucked up. You have no social obligation to go to an apology meeting with them, you should do whatever will make you feel best in both the short term and long term.

I would have instantly returned the drink and never gone back. I mumble, get made fun of as well. However I have nerve damage from my wisdom teeth being removed when I was younger. Have no feeling in the left half of my tongue and it causes me to mumble if I don't force myself to over pronounce things.

Sorry to hear that, that's crap behaviour from the staff - particularly for an independent place. Can I ask how old the staff were?

To do it to your face as well is just insulting. And the manager's response really isn't that great - asking you to come in for the apology just feels so awkward. Personally I'd say fuck that place and avoid it in future, it's not worth your custom if that's how they treat customers.

It's one thing to dig at your friends, you know where their boundaries are, or at least you should - but for them to so brazenly mock a complete stranger is just horrid. They don't know what you're going through, your struggles - I wonder how they'd feel about it in your shoes? It's a shame we can't make people wear ours just to see what it's like.

First of all, don't assume that these situations are directed at you. Unless it was directed at you and one of them admits it, there's nothing for the manager to go on. I know it might seem like gaslighting, but you'll be a lot better off if you assume that these things aren't related to you.

I'm sorry that this happened to you. They're ignorant shitheads who are in the wrong job. They're the ones with the problem, not you.

All the manager can do in this situation is tell the employees to be more aware of how their actions could be misinterpreted. If there's a pattern of similar complaints from multiple customers against the same employee, then they could be fired.

Dealing with this on Instagram or any website for that matter is incredibly unprofessional. This is not something that should be discussed online and businesses shouldn't expect engagement through social media platforms. If the manager wants the two of you to work it out, I could understand that, but it's a weird way of handling it.

If you think you might not keep cool, don't go in. In situations like this, if you go off on the employee, everyone is going to assume that you're the crazy one and the manager will ban you and call the police before. My wife has had this situation at work where any angry customer had a legitimate complaint and she would have been more then happy to coach the employee on how to be empathetic, but the customer ended up getting themselves banned for being verbally abusive and using obscene language. In most situations, the manager isn't going to care if the customer acts rude to them and they don't have verifiable evidence.

Another possibility that I don't think I have read here so far: maybe the two clerks actually understand they did something wrong, and feel very sorry. It could be a touching experience if you see and feel actual regret and compassion, and the sincerity of their feelings might make you forgive them spontaneously. That could be cathartic and connecting.

I don't think you have an obligation for anything, neither for going there nor for forgiving them.

But giving people a chance to see the error of their ways and becoming better people can be very rewarding, if they take it.

This will work best if you can make them see a little bit what these Interactions mean for you. They probably have nooo idea what it's like to see the world from many other peoples' eyes.

Maybe the chances for this happening are slim, but I think it's a possibility.

For all the social outrage culture online directed at every real and perceived way one can be insulting to people who are not cis, people who are an ethnic minority, people who are any particular religion, people who have an obvious physical disability, people who are overweight, people who are underweight, etc etc...

I have never once met any one in the real that gives a flying fuck about trying to be nice to autistic people, nor have I ever met one online /who is not autistic themselves/.

Normies do not give a flying fuck about neurodivergent people and will instead yap on about how they are good people because they care about latest trending meme about latest trending victim group.

They you can use your 'autism powers' (objective, dispassionate analysis) to explain to them that they are hypocrites, evidenced by the very way they treat you, an actual autistic person they actually know.

Then they will hate you because you have momentarily burst their cognitive dissonance forcefield that allows them to feel good about themselves by lying to themselves about how they are actually morally good people.

At this point in my life I am /correctly/ terrified of trying to form any serious relationship with any non autistic person /because this always happens every single time/.

There is no point whatsoever in devoting time energy and resources to cultivating a meaningful relationship with normies, at least in my life they are all unkind, unwilling to do literally anything to ease a relationship with an autistic person, they never respect boundaries, they always gaslight and they are always hypocrites.

This is not catastrophization, this is my lived experience. I am not being hyperbolic whatsoever.

And yes, this also applies to every therapist counselor or psychologist I have ever had. They also gaslight, infantilize, and suggest you to do things that you have already explained to them /do not work/ in the realm of forming meaningful relationships with normies.

If you're not interested in a private apology, perhaps a public apology would be better? Ask the owner to create a post on Instagram saying that a complaint was logged, that they apologise, and that the employees in question will go through the necessary training to improve.

The owner doesn't know who you've told, and to local coffee shops word-of-mouth is very important. The worst-case scenario is that you go to the local press. The owner will want to get in front of this, and it's in their best interest to go with whatever you want - so feel free to just say "I'm not comfortable in returning to your shop. I would rather you put out a public post and follow up on improving the behaviour of your staff".

What did you do, OP?

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