this post was submitted on 05 Nov 2024
246 points (96.6% liked)

Not The Onion

12203 readers
429 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Comments must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
 

And Bannon said: “Tucker, absolutely amazing.”

top 27 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] [email protected] 3 points 18 hours ago

Ummm for all the god loving people, that means God is a demon then as God made physics and this nuclear technology.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 22 hours ago

Does the demon core count?

[–] [email protected] 2 points 22 hours ago

Carlson isn't smart enough to pimp for coal or oil or by saying they were "sent by God." He could grift a little money that way. But Tucker's cheese slid off his cracker a long time ago.

And anyone stupid enough to believe this nonsense should have a decomissioned nuclear reactor set up in their village square. Then, they can all stand around it and beat it with sticks to "drive out the demons". Win-win for everybody. It gives them something to do, where they're not making life miserable for everyone else, and it gives us a place to store our nuclear waste.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 day ago

We already know humans are demonic. We're the closest things to God and Satan, after all. Especially since neither actually exist outside some ancient fairytale books about them.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

Statement bought and paid for by oil/gas/coal?

Or does he only have a handful of brain cells left?

[–] [email protected] 86 points 2 days ago (2 children)

Is it possible he has a growing brain tumor, without the required substrate?

[–] [email protected] 22 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (1 children)

Maybe he has nuclear brainworms?

He also claims he was mauled by a demon while in his bed. Because apparently REAL MEN don't get nightmares or so. :P

[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 days ago (1 children)

You totally just know the demon he's talking about was a succubi, and that's totally him trying to explain to his wife why he can get off in his dreams but not with her.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 days ago (1 children)

No it was his four stupid dogs who heard a noise and scratched him galloping off the bed.

"Demon". Cripes this fucker will sink to any low.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 days ago (2 children)

I wouldn't have pegged him for someone who had dogs. Requires too much empathy and care.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 2 days ago

As someone who volunteered in an animal shelter I can sadly say that is not the case, more frequently than it should be.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Yeah I wouldn't peg him either.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 days ago

I’m betting somebody has.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 days ago

If so I think it should be named Tucker Carlson.

[–] [email protected] 29 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (1 children)

“Let me ask you this,” he said. “What was the moment we can point to that nuclear technology was invented? I’ve never met a person who can isolate the moment where nuclear technology became known to man. German scientists in the 1930s? Really? Name the date?”

“It’s very clear to me that these [nuclear weapons] are demonic,” Carlson added.

Oppenheimer won seven Oscars last year, too.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 2 days ago

Well, there’s the wikipedia article about the discovery of nuclear fission. I mean, you could read that, or trust this one guy at work who says that “wikipedia is all lies”. Yes, that’s word-for-word what he told me when we were discussing GMOs, so I guess the same applies to nuclear fission too.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 2 days ago

Carlson is a pathological liar who has burned all his "normal" options for income, so the only stream of revenue left is the conspiracy nut jobs. He has started drilling into the Alex Jones type follower crowd, to grift them. No more, no less. He's not more insane than he was, he is just pandering to a more lunatic crowd now.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 2 days ago

I'd say it's more likely Tucker Carlson was created and send to the world by demonic forces.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 days ago

So he’s finally gone full crazy. And, I bet he’s found a whole new audience to exploit.

Follow the money

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 days ago

Dude is trying to build a cult so he can be king of the shit pile

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 days ago

Another normal day in Gilead then.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Nonsense. Everyone knows that atomic power was given by the mighty hand of God.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 days ago
  1. I haven’t played Fallout 76, but that’s GOT to be used in the game, right!?
  2. I kind of assumed we were going to see this classic.
[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Demonic forces of physics.

What's next? Banning Einsteins general relativity?

[–] [email protected] 1 points 22 hours ago

I wish he would ban newtons ideas about gravity and float the fuck away.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

Umm actually it was the martians /s

[–] [email protected] 0 points 2 days ago

Nuclear weapons are demonic, there’s no upside to them at all, and anyone who claims otherwise is either ignorant or doing the bidding of the forces that created nuclear technology in the first place, which were not human forces obviously

It’s very clear to me that these [nuclear weapons] are demonic

I mean, I get the sentiment, kind of based.