this post was submitted on 01 Nov 2024
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Asklemmy

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[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 days ago

Given:

You lack the capacity to experience imposter syndrome.

[–] [email protected] 25 points 6 days ago (2 children)

McDonald head. A little girl, maybe 4, called me McDonald head while laughing hysterically and pointing, for like 10 min straight. This was more than 20 years ago and I can still hear her laughter.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 6 days ago

I was walking from the corner store when there was this guy freestyling. I was wearing a white shirt with red stripes all over it. He pointed at me and says where's Waldo, where's Waldo, he too bald to hide. So yeah.

I still have the shirt and I wear it as junk clothes. I always think Waldo when I put it on.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 6 days ago (1 children)

How old were you back then?

[–] [email protected] 4 points 5 days ago

Grown ass man

[–] [email protected] 42 points 6 days ago (1 children)

Toxic polyamory situation. A partner I lived with and was once very in love with fell away when she got interested in someone new. It was messy and shitty. I wound up dating someone new, who I had a great relationship with, and it was very physical. But I still lived in a 2 bedroom apartment with my ex.

My ex was a bit weird. She sort of viewed relationships as whatever things with no boundaries. Folks just do whatever they want in the moment and there’s no fidelity according to her. (Things I learned after I fell in love with her. Woof.) She also had intoned a few times that my new partner was a slut, which was sort of funny, given that my new partner had a pretty strong moral code.

My ex got a little less interested in her new guy, and tried to seduce me one night. And I rejected her. We had officially ended things, and I did not want to revisit that.
My ex sneered at me. “Fine. I hope you’re happy with [New Partner], and I hope [NP] is happy with you and your… magical penis!

She practically spat that out at me, and… yeah. It was as funny then as it is now.

And for the record, it’s not magical. I just like to put top hats and little capes on it sometimes.

[–] [email protected] 23 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago) (2 children)

I was in an open relationship once. It seemed fun on the surface, and it was definitely a very physical thing, but I realised that on an emotional level things just weren't clicking: one moment she would refer to me as her boyfriend and her ex as the other, and then in another instant that would be flipped.

I had no clue where I stood with this girl, and planning for any kind of future was impossible. Once I exercised my right(?) to sleep with someone else, I was labeled as a fuckboi and she broke it off. Stressful as hell. Dodged a bullet.

Anyway, congrats on your magic dick.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 5 days ago

There seems to be a fundamental equality problem there.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 6 days ago (1 children)

That sucks, man.

I’ve been some stripe or other of non-monogamous for most of my adult life, and those types of relationships are often the ones that people experience first when they dip their toes in.
It’s honestly kind of maddening, because beyond making it seem like everyone who is poly/nm/whatever are all horny sociopaths (because almost everyone has something like that as a first story), it’s harmful. It’s physically and emotionally unsafe for the person who gets shafted. It treats people like they’re disposable and frankly, it’s selfish, insecure, and sometimes malevolent bullshit dressed up as a hippy-dippy love-fest.

It’s really fucking hard to be ethically nonmonogamous, and I wish people would stop pretending they knew what they were doing. No one knows, and it’s the faked confidence that gets so many people in trouble. People just trust someone to take care of them, and then the other person fails because they’re human, and humans fail. And yet… I can’t imagine not being this way, for some dumb fucking reason.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 6 days ago (1 children)

I’ve been stably poly for 5 years and my biggest lesson has been that stably poly people aren’t who new people wind up with because we aren’t churning through people. I’m just in two long term relationships at the moment. I’m open to another; but I’m very discerning about it. I have a few friends in similar positions.

I think being ethically nonmonogamous is hard but mostly because it’s hard to be vulnerable and treat people right when all your hormones and emotions are flaring. But some of the people I most respect the relationship wisdom of are poly as well. Others are monogamous, and yet both the monogamous and nonmonogamous ones sound very similar when talking about relationships. They speak of honesty, self knowledge, emotional regulation, and a willingness to walk away before it becomes a shit show once you understand it’s no longer working.

But I’ll say this, I’m never going back to monogamy. It wasn’t where I was supposed to be.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 5 days ago

In retrospect I think my comment sounds like I’m just excusing being sort of crappy if you’re humble about it.
I wish I’d included the sentiment that we’re all trying the best we can — because being a good partner should be the goal for any relationship.

Even though I’m currently only with my wife, I’m right there with you. I don’t want to add anyone to the mix unless their addition is very carefully considered.
I speak better in metaphor sometimes: It’s kind of like physics, almost. Imagine that we’re touching everyone in our life. If we allow someone to connect to us, they are going to impart their own momentum and direction. That is going to ripple through every connection we have, even if we aren’t able to measure or observe it. So we better make sure they don’t hit us so hard that pieces break apart or get damaged in the process.

[–] [email protected] 23 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago) (1 children)

I used to be over 350 lbs. with long, thin, greasy hair and a very pale complexion. My nose isn't long, but it's a bit pointy. Probably had dark eye sockets if I'm being honest about my health at the time. Anyway, my friend's brother stood in front of me when we were sitting around drunk, and said "No offense, but you look like the Penguin (from Batman) right now." Then went on to try to make that sound less offensive by suggesting it was just the lighting or the angle or something. But I knew what he was talking about. He was absolutely right. I never felt worse about myself.

Thankfully I lost all that weight over a decade ago. Shaved my head, got healthier, grew a beard, and had what my wife calls a tremendous glow-up. But I used to be the Penguin... So you should watch out.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 5 days ago

You're suggesting the Penguin is now a reformed man?

THE SYSTEM WORKS !!

[–] [email protected] 6 points 5 days ago

In early 1980s, driving to the mall right before Christmas with girlfriend and her mom in their ancient huge Caddilac. It's a zoo. Girlfriend's mom consipates the whole parking garage by driving poorly and gridlocking the place. People are honking and yelling at her. She hangs out the window and yells, in a strong Fran Drescher accent: "YOU DON'T HAVE THE CHRISTMAS SPIRIT!"

[–] [email protected] 21 points 6 days ago (1 children)

"You're too hard to hug."

I'm a muscular dude. This was a complaint from a woman I knew. It was not a compliment, she genuinely refused to hug me when we greeted each other.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 5 days ago

Was she particularly skinny? A friend of mine with a similar problem explained that because she was very skinny (actual eating disorder), any slightly hard surface puts pressure on her bones (especially ribs) painfully even when doing it gently, and she would feel pain even by sitting on a chair without a pillow between her body and the wood surface. Muscle and fat help coushon and spread the pressure across a larger area so most people don't experience this pain.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 5 days ago (1 children)

I called out man in his fifties being sleezy around women who didn't have any company.

I roasted him , to which he responded "you are bad" (in my native language that word would specifically mean bad at something).

Bad at WHAT bro?

[–] [email protected] 3 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Assuming you are finnish and google translate did my right, olet huono

[–] [email protected] 2 points 5 days ago

That's correct.

What I said to him among other things, "mee muualle siitä setämieheilemään" =" why don't you go be 'uncle man' elsewhere."

Uncle man would be something used to call out middle aged men who are being nasty, usually for women much younger than them.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 5 days ago

“He always was a bit of a… reader when he was young.” said with such utter contempt and disgust; like it was a terrible thing.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 5 days ago

"YOU DRIVE VERY FAST". Screamed at me out her minivan window by a middle aged Indian woman making a left across traffic in front of me. Still cracks me up.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 5 days ago

Not me but: “I was showing the new system to anons father. Have more luck teaching a rock how to float.”

[–] [email protected] 21 points 6 days ago (1 children)

Kid called me "a pocket" once. That might not sound so bad, but he said it with a real mean sneer.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago)

That kid probably fills his pockets with mud and stones, and the blood of his enemies.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago)

"You're not good for much, but you do a damn good vacuum."

-60yo lady to 20yo me, bookshop job.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 6 days ago

A kid once asked to pet my dog and I said no. Kid then proceeded to tell me my dog looked evil. I was enraged. She is a dog, she can't be evil, and she's absolutely terrified of strangers but especially kids.

Usually when I have to deny people petting this dog, I'll offer to let them pet the other dog who's normal, but fuck that kid, you don't get to pet any dog today.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 5 days ago

"Go lick a dead camel jackass!"

Shouted by a friend at a high school bully from a moving car. 😂

[–] [email protected] 11 points 6 days ago

A random little kid at the park called me “gummy face”, and I definitely did not cry about later that night.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 6 days ago (2 children)

My grandmother called me a braindead bastard once when i was like...9

Neither of those adjectives were applicaple to me considering i was in the gifted courses in school and her son is my father who had already married my mother when they had me

[–] [email protected] 4 points 6 days ago (1 children)

You'll be thrilled to learn, then, that there's only one adjective in that insult.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 6 days ago (1 children)

You might be surprised to learn that words often have different meanings and sometimes they can be nouns or adjectives

[–] [email protected] 1 points 4 days ago

Perhaps a lesson in heeding your elders' word then.

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[–] [email protected] 7 points 6 days ago

"You look like Ramsey Bolton"

[–] [email protected] 7 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago)

"You know enough to be dangerous"

It can be used as either an insult or a compliment.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 6 days ago

I have heard having autism being used as an insult

The strange part is that, even though i have autism and the person saying that insult knows that i have, i have never been called that, even avoiding to tell other people if asked

[–] [email protected] 4 points 6 days ago

"You look like a lifeguard" made my friend spit his drink out with that one

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