this post was submitted on 13 Oct 2024
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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[–] [email protected] 146 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Fabricated and homosexual.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 month ago

Say the line, anon!

[–] [email protected] 48 points 1 month ago

You either die a virgin, or live long enough to see yourself become a Chad.

[–] [email protected] 39 points 1 month ago

Whew, the artificial samesexness is dripping on this one.

That being said, there is something pretty awesome about discovering your body like that.

You're doing puberty, or it's doing you, and you're in this toxic relationship with it. And then you discover something like lifting that puts you into connection with it, and your whole way of looking at the world changes.

When I started lifting big, it was a weird experience. I was never small, my family runs to big hairy dudes. But I wasn't big, just big. Broad shoulders, broad hands, and potential. My family on my dad's side also puts on muscle easy. So, when I started lifting at 16, it was like fucking magic. All that testosterone finally given something to do other than cause pimples and boners.

You go from this awkward, ill fitting body into mass. It changes the way you think about yourself, and that changes how you think about the world. It can be a negative thing, and I certainly had some phases where it was. But it's a net positive most of the time.

And I definitely ran into the difference between being a slightly pudgy and non muscular doofus and being a decidedly muscular, but slightly pudgy doofus. Again, positives and negatives, but you definitely get more attention from girls/women. Sometimes not good attention tbh.

[–] [email protected] 38 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Get into cycling. T-Rex gets no love... But baby big guns suck on the hills... but baby put your forearm next to it, see? My legs are each bigger than your waist. Bae, I'll be back some time after dark, got to build base like almost every day for the last month. I can't go out tonight bae, my race starts at 8 am tomorrow. No I won't be able to tomorrow either. I have a recovery ride to do and then I'll be wiped out completely.

The odds of meeting people on the road for extracurricular activities is pretty much nill for a racer. The odds of simply finding anyone that can keep up is pretty much impossible unless you actually meet and invite them, and group rides are usually like unofficial races. Roadie kit is like super anon costume too.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 month ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 month ago (1 children)

mfw, I absolutely destroy like a god on MTB

No joke, I was super dangerous on mountain before I was disabled by a driver equivalent of a third grader behind the wheel. Some of my worst crashes were on mountain. I was not super mobile or skilled, but had the legs to fly. I rode a 6in travel carbon cannondale jekyll to try and make up the difference and get myself out of some hairy situations. On an XC bike, I crush all... till I crash.

Mountain is fun, like a vacation, but a mountain bike can only be a friend, while a road bike is like a really great lover. If you know, you know.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Please stop sticking your dick down the seat post hole.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 weeks ago

He has a dildo seat actually

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 month ago

Happy Cakeday! 🍰🎂

[–] [email protected] 20 points 1 month ago

Then he wakes up

[–] [email protected] 20 points 1 month ago

Anon you can always buy a strap-on and have her use it on you if that's what it takes to maintain the friendship.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 month ago (1 children)

He has essentially become a woman? Has to worry that all his friends may just want to get in his pants?

If it's 4chan why is he not exploiting it?

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago

Clearly you have never been to /fit

[–] [email protected] 0 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Poor guys trapped in the closet.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 month ago

Yeah, because the only way a guy can want a platonic friendship with a girl is if he’s gay