this post was submitted on 12 Sep 2024
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A former model who was a finalist in the Miss Switzerland contest was allegedly murdered and "pureed" in a blender by her husband, officials in Switzerland are reported to have said.

Kristina Joksimovic, 38, was found dead in her home in Binningen, near Basel, Switzerland, in February this year.

According to local news outlet BZ Basel, a man named Thomas, 41, had an appeal for release from custody denied by the Federal Court in Lausanne on Wednesday after he reportedly confessed to killing his wife, with whom he had two children.

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[–] [email protected] 203 points 2 months ago (2 children)

BZ Basel also said Thomas was arrested the day after Ms Joksimovic's body was found, and initially told investigators he had found her dead and dismembered her body in their laundry room in panic.

Let those who have not dismembered a family member in a panic with a jigsaw and garden shears before dissolving their pulped body in a bath of acid throw the first stone.

[–] [email protected] 70 points 2 months ago (2 children)

When you put it like that... Maybe we shouldn't be so quick to judge.

[–] [email protected] 30 points 2 months ago (3 children)

It was self defense, after all, and one can never be too safe.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 2 months ago

Woman must have been an antideluvian vampire to require such extreme measures.

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[–] [email protected] 26 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (1 children)

There's a documentary on Hulu I highly recommend called The Jinx, about multimillionaire serial killer Robert Durst. One of my favorite lines from him is "I did not kill my best friend, but I did dismember him".

His family owns like half of NYC. Someone I know used to work directly under them and can confirm the batshit runs down the whole family tree.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

No spoilers, but the very end of that series is absolutely insane. Up there with "Icarus" or "An Honest Liar" as great documentaries that end up having a completely unpredictable twist that changes the trajectory of the film completely.

[–] [email protected] 122 points 2 months ago (3 children)

That’s an episode of “Will It Blend?” I didn’t think we’d ever get in real life.

[–] [email protected] 26 points 2 months ago (1 children)

You're terrible, even by my standards, which are impressively low

[–] [email protected] 13 points 2 months ago

I like to treat every standard like a limbo bar and see how much lower I can go.

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[–] [email protected] 99 points 2 months ago

A former model who was a finalist in the Miss Switzerland contest was allegedly murdered and “pureed” in a blender by her husband, officials in Switzerland are reported to have said.

That's, that's a brand new sentence.

[–] [email protected] 62 points 2 months ago (2 children)

This is the most psychopathic thing I have seen in quite some time. wtf

[–] [email protected] 10 points 2 months ago

Yeah I didn't need to read this headline as soon as I woke up

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[–] [email protected] 60 points 2 months ago (6 children)

This story is wild to read, how do you purée someone and still find a body and determine they were strangled?

[–] [email protected] 22 points 2 months ago (2 children)

I suspect he vastly underestimated the scope of the job.

Shopkeeper: Oh, hello Thomas, back already? How was that blender? Not big enough you say? Well how big do you need? A whole large coconut you say?

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[–] [email protected] 22 points 2 months ago (8 children)

I mean, considering how some of them can struggle with ice cubes, you'd need one hell of a (consumer grade) blender to effectively get rid of a body

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[–] [email protected] 14 points 2 months ago (4 children)

The article is unclear about which body parts were dismantled and blended, i assume he just did the arms and legs or something. Which leaves a lot of the body to be found and analyzed.

Basically, if i get this right, he was cutting the body in pieces and blending them one by one, which i assume must be a long process so no wonder he got caught. Honestly if i were to get rid of a body that would also be my plan in its entirety

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[–] [email protected] 58 points 2 months ago (2 children)

"the ruling from the court held Ms Joksimovic was strangled to death."

CSI Switzerland must be fucking wizards, man.

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[–] [email protected] 51 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Because what sane person, who upon walking into their home and finding a loved one unconscious (or even worse :dead:) doesn’t reach for their blender.

Amiright, guys??

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[–] [email protected] 46 points 2 months ago (3 children)

What brand was this blender? I would like to know, not because I have any former models that need blending, but because that thing must've been a tank

[–] [email protected] 19 points 2 months ago

I mean they found a body so I assume it wasn't that great

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 months ago

The Swiss make some great precision machinery, I bet it was a Swiss brand.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 months ago

Asking the real questions here. I've got a ninja and I'm pretty sure there's no way I could puree bones.

[–] [email protected] 41 points 2 months ago (1 children)

He did what with the what now!?

[–] [email protected] 20 points 2 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (3 children)
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[–] [email protected] 39 points 2 months ago (7 children)

Because that would sure eliminate the DNA evidence...

A murderer and a moron.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 2 months ago (3 children)

Redundant, 99.99% of murderers are complete morons.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Well clearly this guy was smoothie brained.

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[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 months ago

I don't know about morons, but you have to be pretty ignorant to think you can get away with murdering your spouse these days.

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[–] [email protected] 32 points 2 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 25 points 2 months ago (4 children)

I have to go through the entire rest of the day having this in the back of my mind the whole time. GFD. 🫣

[–] [email protected] 24 points 2 months ago

What. The fuck.

[–] [email protected] 22 points 2 months ago (1 children)

The start of the headline lured me in for the biggest WTF moment I've had in ages. I'll be sweating bullets the next time I see something about a former model/Miss-Wherever

[–] [email protected] 11 points 2 months ago

People following the story of a former Olympic runner: First time?

[–] [email protected] 22 points 2 months ago (3 children)

My mind couldn't contemplate the title when I first read it. I thought this was some sort of AI art or deep fake "blender" program that he was selling nudes or vids of her that he had constructed.... the whole actual person being put into a blender just didn't even compute.

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[–] [email protected] 21 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (3 children)

They quoted the word "pureed" which means there was butter and potato starch involved

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[–] [email protected] 17 points 2 months ago

What the fuck bros

[–] [email protected] 16 points 2 months ago

Poor girl...

[–] [email protected] 15 points 2 months ago (1 children)
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[–] [email protected] 14 points 2 months ago (2 children)

I did not expect to read "Blender" and "Model" in this context ever.

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[–] [email protected] 13 points 2 months ago (1 children)

And it was a hand blender even. Wow

[–] [email protected] 12 points 2 months ago

Wow is right. That man probably voided his warranty if he blended her feet.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 2 months ago

MBS gonna hire this guy

[–] [email protected] 12 points 2 months ago

Jesus fucking Christ.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

What the actual fuck? No jail for this motherfucker, just throw him into a vulcano

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