Asklemmy

I was sure the undertaker would throw mankind somewhere in your last sentence.

Seriously, it reads as a setup for a contrived joke. So it's likely true.

Sounds like he had 99 problems and a luftballoon was one.

My mother was a professional hot air balloon pilot...

I really liked how this started, but not how it progressed.

I'm not a fan of kink-shaming, but that is objectively funny. I choose to believe he was also into balloon-bestiality by sometimes going squiggee-fnurp-scratch-tadaa and producing balloon animals as part of the foreplay

This is the second bit of balloon fetish in this thread. I think we might have hit Lemmy weird fetish consensus.

I briefly dated a girl that had a tickle fetish combined with a toddler fetish. She wanted to be tickled to the point of having an "accident". Then she wanted to be stripped down and given a bath. Then it was on. Very normal girl otherwise and she swore it was just her kink.

Pretty common one I think

with clothes on? what? is that a thing? how clothed are we talking here?

Don't kink-shame them!

How does someone inflate their knees?

I heard about the knee inflation thing on a podcast. They looked into it and it just seemed to be one guy on the entire internet with that fetish. Which is impressive on its own.

I still remember the person i was before i found out what sounding was, i'll say thats what took away any semblence of innocence i had. Thank you reddit.

That's just inserting a urethral stick right? It's not super extreme IMO. It doesn't hurt unless you do it wrong and it's the most direct way for prostate stimulation (through the back passage there's other tissue in between :) )

As far as fetishes go I know a lot worse lol

Another friend of mine, a kid from school, his older brother in the Navy said how guys in the Middle East jack off different than we do here. This brother was stationed in some camel country where the public market sells what could be fancy letter openers. Each fancy tool is just a thin rod of polished brass or silver, maybe as long as your hand, with a big tip at one end, either a big metal ball or the kind of fancy carved handle you'd see on a sword. This Navy brother says how Arab guys get their dick hard and then insert this metal rod inside the whole length of their boner. They jack off with the rod inside, and it makes getting off so much better. More intense. It's this big brother who travels around the world, sending back French phrases. Russian phrases. Helpful jack-off tips.

After this, the little brother, one day he doesn't show up at school. That night, he calls to ask if I'll pick up his homework for the next couple weeks. Because he's in the hospital.

He's got to share a room with old people getting their guts worked on. He says how they all have to share the same television. All he's got for privacy is a curtain. His folks don't come and visit. On the phone, he says how right now his folks could just kill his big brother in the Navy.

On the phone, the kid says how, the day before, he was just a little stoned. At home in his bedroom, he was flopped on the bed. He was lighting a candle and flipping through some old porno magazines, getting ready to beat off. This is after he's heard from his Navy brother. That helpful hint about how Arabs beat off. The kid looks around for something that might do the job. A ball-point pen's too big. A pencil's too big and rough. But dripped down the side of the candle, there's a thin, smooth ridge of wax that just might work. With just the tip of one finger, this kid snaps the long ridge of wax off the candle. He rolls it smooth between the palms of his hands. Long and smooth and thin.

Stoned and horny, he slips it down inside, deeper and deeper into the piss slit of his boner. With a good hank of the wax still poking out the top, he gets to work.

Even now, he says those Arab guys are pretty damn smart. They've totally re-invented jacking off. Flat on his back in bed, things are getting so good, this kid can't keep track of the wax. He's one good squeeze from shooting his wad when the wax isn't sticking out anymore.

The thin wax rod, it's slipped inside. All the way inside. So deep inside he can't even feel the lump of it inside his piss tube.

From downstairs, his mom shouts its suppertime. She says to come down, right now. This wax kid and the carrot kid are different people, but we all live pretty much the same life.

It's after dinner when the kid's guts start to hurt. It's wax so he figured it would just melt inside him and he'd pee it out. Now his back hurts. His kidneys. He can't stand straight.

This kid talking on the phone from his hospital bed, in the background you can hear bells ding, people screaming. Game shows.

The X-rays show the truth, something long and thin, bent double inside his bladder. This long, thin V inside him, it's collecting all the minerals in his piss. It's getting bigger and more rough, coated with crystals of calcium, it's bumping around, ripping up the soft lining of his bladder, blocking his piss from getting out. His kidneys are backed up. What little that leaks out his dick is red with blood.

This kid and his folks, his whole family, them looking at the black X-ray with the doctor and the nurses standing there, the big V of wax glowing white for everybody to see, he has to tell the truth. The way Arabs get off. What his big brother wrote him from the Navy.

On the phone, right now, he starts to cry. They paid for the bladder operation with his college fund. One stupid mistake, and now he'll never be a lawyer.

Sticking stuff inside yourself. Sticking yourself inside stuff. A candle in your dick or your head in a noose, we knew it was going to be big trouble.

whispers in ear

"Your bill is $0, we have healthcare for all here"

Swoons

That sounds like a horror story.

Temperature play is fairly common. Also the 5 senses concept is outdated, theres far more than 5 senses and temperature is maybe the sixth.

Nope that's a real thing and you'd be surprised how common shit like that is.

Is it really a fetish or are you just neurodivergent yourself and therefore compatible with these folks?

So COVID was like Uber sploosh?

Have you heard of Lord Shaxx?