this post was submitted on 17 Jun 2024
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Not The Onion

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[–] [email protected] 78 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (3 children)

I think we should all try to support anything that lets rich old bureaucrats kill themselves faster if unwanted side effects can be minimized.

[–] [email protected] 26 points 5 months ago (2 children)

we should convince them that mercury is the secret to immortality again

[–] [email protected] 13 points 5 months ago

We should heat that shit up and tell them to huff the murica vapors.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 5 months ago

If we learned anything from COVID, all we have to do is tell them that “Liberal Elite “””DOCTORS””” don’t want you using this home-grown remedy!”

[–] [email protected] 15 points 5 months ago (2 children)

Except, like most of what these crooks do, others are harmed by it as well.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Hmm, that sounds a lot like conservative policies in general.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Yep, that's what I meant by "like most of what these crooks do" heh

[–] [email protected] 7 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Damn I inadvertedly did a "your comment, but worse". 😂

[–] [email protected] 4 points 5 months ago

Happens to the best of us 😁

[–] [email protected] 3 points 5 months ago

Yeah. There's the hitch in the plan.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 5 months ago (1 children)

So put in a mass order on cheap second-hand carbon fiber for custom-built submarines?

[–] [email protected] 1 points 5 months ago

I like the way you think. Maybe they could even lobby and call in favors against the common good to reserve their seat.

[–] [email protected] 54 points 5 months ago

They want to build a literal smoke-filled back room in which to cut deals?
Our era is beyond satire.

[–] [email protected] 50 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Anything besides helping the fucken american people, amirite?

[–] [email protected] 14 points 5 months ago

Nah, that would be "socialism".

[–] [email protected] 33 points 5 months ago (2 children)

God, this tastes like I took a giant bite out of an onion. They are...so serious and committed to having a cigar lounge in the capital building that they are going to stage a cigar sit-in in the office of the SPEAKER OF THE HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES while literally doing nothing legislative.

It's just...absurd. The article even read like an Onion piece; same pacing, same over-dramatic statements about minor inconveniences, same "no actual news source like Axios would report on this childish bullshit" feeling.

The original Axios article, with it's serious tone almost feels more oniony: https://www.axios.com/2024/06/16/speaker-johnson-tom-cole-capitol-cigars

How did the absurdity become the norm?

[–] [email protected] 10 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

It became the norm when all those bOtH pArTiEs ArE tHe SaMe LoL aMiRiTe lazy mediocre idiots enabled republicans into office by not voting in elections.

Nothing of value gets done, nothing of value can get done, when these non-voting idiots keep on allowing republican pigs to take the entire nation on a petulant, ignorant, reckless joyride.

Then when Democrats don't have enough time in power to clean up the mess - all the while being undermined and sabotaged by republicans in a slight minority, consumed by rage at not being the dominant party - the idiots shoot everybody in the foot, including themselves, with their mediocre, myopic mantra... yOu SeE? bOtH pArTiEs ArE tHe SaMe LoL aMiRiTe

Predictable and flat, like cartoon characters, utterly unintelligent. As much a product of the educational system as their batshit #maga next door neighbor.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 5 months ago
[–] [email protected] 32 points 5 months ago (1 children)

What. Public restrooms no longer a safe place for homophobes to suck cock by proxy? I thought that was classic Republican 101 stuff right there. What has the world come to‽

[–] [email protected] 3 points 5 months ago

I know there was something gross about cigars. That must be it.

[–] [email protected] 28 points 5 months ago

Resign and you can smoke cigars at home, you pricks.

[–] [email protected] 27 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Boebs look like the type to smoke cigars.

I bet she tastes like a divine ashtray.

[–] [email protected] 30 points 5 months ago (1 children)

I would like to inform you that the mental thought of this was strong enough that I'm consciously suppressing my retch reaction

[–] [email protected] 12 points 5 months ago (2 children)

I’d love to be the filling in a Boebs/MTG sandwich.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 5 months ago (1 children)

This scene smells like a mixture of stale Budlight and PowerBait.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Throw in some Newports and that’s the smell of some of the best nights in my life.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 5 months ago

I mean not to shit on your kinks but we gotta get you up to at least nightcrawlers

[–] [email protected] 12 points 5 months ago

Username checks out

[–] [email protected] 19 points 5 months ago

You cannot tell me that this is not the Onion! I would lose my faith in humanity for the billionth time...

[–] [email protected] 17 points 5 months ago (1 children)

They desperately need to go back to the 1820s, it seems.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 4 months ago

and they want to take the rest of us with them! Complete with 1820's civil rights, 1820's woman's rights, 1820's pollution and industrial standards....

[–] [email protected] 13 points 5 months ago (1 children)

The source of this dire problem is Rep. Tom Cole's transition

Would have been much more fun if the author had "accidentally" stopped the sentence there.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

It'd be cool if he transitioned to former rep

[–] [email protected] 8 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (1 children)

Shove em up your asses, lit. Fucking cunts.

Ohhhhh… hold on… i think they’re talking about meat cigars.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 4 months ago

man i'd love to have a meat cigar rn

[–] [email protected] 7 points 5 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 3 points 5 months ago

Roscoe, arrest them Duke boys!

[–] [email protected] 7 points 5 months ago

Yup, these are the ones chosen to represent "the people", but the only people they represent are themselves.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 5 months ago (1 children)

I mean i somewhat agree with the notion that the sort of stereotypical british gentleman's club thing is missing in the modern times, I think I would find it enjoyable to loaf around a luxurious and quiet place, reading classic literature in a luxurious classical ambiente or so, while a snobby concierge beings me liquor aged twice as long as i have been alive.

I dont want to encounter these kinds of people there though.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 4 months ago

The idea of a nice club is great but it's probably not something taxpayers should be funding for elected representatives