“What’s your mutation? Teleportation? Laser Eyes? Weaponized Tornadoes?”

“…I… I can smell ants... how about yours?”

“Oh… well… my mutation is that cilantro tastes like chalk to me.”

I can smell ants and cockroaches. I can also smell when someone has been in my house hours after they leave. Its annoying as hell to have this sense of smell since its considered rude to point out that someone stinks. To me its like they are screaming in a small room.

I'm one of these people. I can smell an apartment roach infestation from the front door, every time.

And yes, restaurants always get the "sniff check" before we sit down. No-go odors are:

• bleach
• pine-sol (amonia)
• heavy perfume (think "Glade plugin-in")
• insects (roaches, etc)
• pet odor (wet dog, litterbox)
• sewage (usually a dry floor drain but that's still not okay)
• dingy carpet (think: "old movie theater")

The first two are obvious attempts at covering up something worse with "clean" smells, and/or the staff has no idea what "clean" actually means. And they obviously don't care what olfaction means to someone trying to enjoy a meal, which says heaps about what they think food service actually is. Everything else just speaks to the "I don't care what you smell" part, or there's something very wrong with how the kitchen is run. /rant

An example of a top-shelf dining odor experience? I once went to a Japanese restaurant at opening time. The only smell in the dining room was that of the specific kind of imported cedar in the cutting boards. This is traditionally cleaned with boiling hot water, and nothing else. This released a gentle woody and pine-y scent that just filled the space and invited the senses. I came hungry, but I sat down ravenous. The meal to follow was something I will never forget.

Edit: some clarification since this got some traction. I know that bleach and ammonia are s-tier disinfectants and absolutely necessary for food prep, health standards, and the rest. I use this stuff at home. My issue is with establishments that utterly fail at ventilating these odor and spoil the dining experience with strong chemical odors. Looking deeper I find very strong cleaning odors (long after opening hours) suspicious since it's very easy to splash stuff around, giving the impression of cleanliness, but not actually clean anything. Strong chemical smells also make it impossible to detect sewage, rot, mold, soil, and other things that would easily flag a restaurant. I'd rather not take the chance.

You can't say shit or dead or suicide or fuck anymore because the internet has become C O R P O R A T E

Please spoiler your comment

Congratulations on your mutation. This one sucks less than the cilantro one.

There are lots of weird genetic traits. Sneezing triggered by sunlight is another funny one.

Veritasium video on that one:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e69XZJ9DEj0

Smell is how ants communicate with one another so maybe these ant sniffers will be the first humans who can speak ant.

https://academic.oup.com/ae/article/61/2/85/1756864

https://www.livescience.com/why-ants-smell-weird

However, the sense of smell in humans is far less developed, and there has been recent controversy over what, exactly, the odorous house ant smells like. This species belongs to a large group of ants whose members are thought to smell like blue cheese (Forney and Markovetz 1971) [link is direct 3.0 mb .pdf download from elsevier], yet numerous online sources report their odor as “rancid butter,” “cleaning solution,” or, most commonly, “rotten coconuts.”

Specifically, the house ~~hippo~~ ant.

*The actual factual paper was actually literally published in 2015, no cap.

Don't think about the non-ant particles, it won't help.

Holy shit. IPAs make so much more sense now!

I've never heard of insects having a smell, other than like stinkbugs!

People like to engage with other people.

Read that first paragraph to the end this time.