this post was submitted on 24 May 2024
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Not The Onion

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[–] [email protected] 41 points 6 months ago

Mf lucky he didn’t get his liver ate.

[–] [email protected] 31 points 6 months ago (2 children)

He tried and failed.

If he had successfully body slammed a killer whale and the whale returned the favor, would he have succeeded or failed?

[–] [email protected] 24 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago) (1 children)

He would have succeeded; and that point would probably be reiterated a few times at his funeral.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 6 months ago (1 children)

Man, think about the views tho. Everyone would want to watch that. So many new subscribers!

[–] [email protected] 6 points 5 months ago

If they SMASHED that Subscribe button then that's all that really matters.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 5 months ago

He would have been yeeted into the stratosphere

[–] [email protected] 31 points 5 months ago (1 children)

The man yells “I touched it” to the other people on the boat and then asks “Did you get that?” in an apparent reference to whether his encounter with the orca was successfully filmed. He then tries to touch the animal again. Other people aboard the vessel can be heard laughing and cheering in the background.

Fuck it, fine them too.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Eh, they might've been cheering for the orca.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 5 months ago

My sources have it that one guy in the back was just cheering for the cheering.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 5 months ago

Historians of the future will remark that we lived in a time when "many humans were so stupid they forgot wild animals can kill them easily".

[–] [email protected] 11 points 5 months ago

That is the funniest possible picture that could have accompanied that headline. It’s like he’s a fucking aquatic creature himself 🤣

[–] [email protected] 10 points 5 months ago

That's not too fair. Poor guy. Someone has to fight back. Are we sure it wasn't self-defense? Maybe they were trying to sink his yacht?

[–] [email protected] 7 points 5 months ago

Incredibly idiotic. Wow.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (1 children)

"Stop fucking with the orcas! They already be attacking ships at random, you're just gonna piss 'em off even more!"

[–] [email protected] 4 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (2 children)

According to a video I watched yesterday, it’s not random, it’s because they’re bored teenagers

Hilariously I left this post then scrolled down just a few posts and found this. https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2024/05/24/killer-whales-attacking-sinking-boats-are-bored-scientists-say/73558157007/

[–] [email protected] 1 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

That's just what they're telling people so that we don't find out that the orcas are accelerationists to class war. They see what's really going on.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 5 months ago

Probably same for the orcas

[–] [email protected] 6 points 5 months ago

I first read it as "Man is fine after trying to 'body slam' killer whale" expecting a meh orca encounter.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 5 months ago (1 children)

"body slam"

Guy like barely grazes it.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 5 months ago

Keyword being "trying"

[–] [email protected] 4 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

Could have made Darwin proud that day. Alas, a slap on the wrist in the form of a $600 fine and they live to harass another whale in the future.

Really should have gotten some time in a cell to reflect on his stupidity

[–] [email protected] 4 points 5 months ago

EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED IN THE OCEAN OF MADNESS

[–] [email protected] 3 points 5 months ago

I thought kiwis were more tame than aussies