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I hate to have my time monopolized. I hate having things sprung on me where I have to make a decision between saying yes, and doing something I don’t want to do, or saying no, and feeling like shit for refusing somebody’s request.
I also hate people who are inconsiderate
Me too. I have a bad fixation on time. Sometimes I even force myself to stay up later because I don't want to waste conscious time even though I'm too tired to do anything of worth.
I also despise surprises and I often knee jerk react to sudden information poorly.
I tend to overreact and become rude and defensive when a situation takes an unexpected turn.
The sudden lack of control makes my brain go haywire instead of calmly trying to work around it, or just accepting that I was being overconfident/too greedy about the outcome.
It's not too much of a problem nowadays, but when I'm feeling down the threshold is lower and it can lead to some awkward interactions that make me feel bad afterwards.
But it also taught me not to take people being rude to me as personal (when there's no reason to).
Can I ask if you're in a pressure-cooker (time-wise) situation as a general characterization of your position? I find that to be a real problem as well
I can be manipulative to people close to me.
Via emotional blackmail, and going as far as being outright insulting and abusive to people the closer they get to me. I use it like a test of their loyalty to me. If they pass I up the amount of abusive manipulation.
I treat people as either Angels or Demons. There's no in-between. I treat you like shit and you call me out? You're fucking DEAD to me and I will scorch earth you're existence from my life. Say sorry the next day? I'll put myself into debt buying you gifts and days out.
I know the bad things I do are wrong and I HATE doing them. It's a compulsion. I "cut my nose off to spite my face" as they say.
I used to self harm and send pics of the wounds to people close to me for attention. I once told my mother I wished I was aborted and demanded she choose her favourite leg gash from a set or I'd do more cuts.
You may assume from this comment I'm a teenage girl...?
I'm not. I'm a middle-aged man who now has no friends (go figure). I was diagnosed with EUPD/BPD about 6yrs ago and still struggle to get over these 'dark qualities'. Most of the above has been done right up into my mid-30s. At 40 I'm now 100% alone with my former dealer being the closest thing to a friend I can point to.
However, I've quit meth and have to become 'normal' and learn to treat people better. Well, I know HOW to and I've even had therapy on managing my emotions. However, I'm literally petrified of making any close friends because of what I've been like in the past. I don't want to inflict myself on people.
Thank you for helping out here and sharing! I wanna take some time and really do justice in attention to your comment so just know (and see by the current presence of some upvotes or whatever yhe heck their called) that you are noticed and appreciated for just being but also having the courage to share and really be open to discussing very real issues in an also academic way that makes them approachable and more likely to be addressed meaningfully 🤠
Edit: HolyRunonSentenceBatMan
My dark side: I feel disengaged in my duties, I tend to flee away from teamwork and skip deadlines, especially when the workflow is stressful. Of course, mates hate me for that :(
Others' inconsistencies I see: tendency to make careless decisions without thinking twice, or miscommunication (incorrect wording) of intended actions, especially in programming and/or designing things. Also, not admitting an expectation to get some sort of reward/compensation when giving things for free.
Example:
Jokes aside, I am generous but this unspoken liability pisses me off.
One thing I've learned is that sometimes free shit actually costs you, but the weird part is if you defbrief yourself when its likely you're being manipulated or there was an attempt, you can try to train yourself to cut them loose that instant and make you owe nothing(!) if its a non-correctable pattern and you can likely still sleep it off like a champ!
Obviously a nuclear option facially, but you can tone it down while still benefitting from the rheory of mind understanding of "their game
Edit: felt called to add that by psychologically turning the game around, you get to do 3 things:
I was poor in the developing world for years. Not begpacker fake poor. I had immigrated, put every dime into my business, and it took 3 years to make more than about 50 cents an hour after hard costs. There was no going back, so I went all in.
Let me tell you, it erodes at your humanity. One day, there's either nothing left, or something cold and hard and hungry. If it's the former, you're done for. If it's the latter, you are something else now, and it never stops being hungry, and it never goes away.
It just burns in you, like a flame, like an effigy.
Like a sacrifice.
I don't know if this qualifies (probably doesn't) but When I meet a new person, I like to act like a smart guy at first and then act like a moron afterwards. It feels nice for some reason.
I'm the opposite lol, I pretend I don't know anything at all, even if it's something I'm fairly familiar/comfortable with
I wanna say I could do or try this but I'm way to OCD figuratively speaking to see it through. I hate dumbing myself, particularly in the emotional realm, even tho it would often be significantly advantageous and less work and affirming for me
You wouldn't happen to have siblings? I wonder how many "complexes" or mentionable issues have their root in sibling-orthogonal or straight-up adjacent or full-blown causative matters...
Kinda feel like i literally ran through the gamut of possible qualifiers but I hope you get my attempt here
Yes I do have a brother. I like him even though he's not exactly a bright person.
But I wouldn't classify this as a "complex". Perhaps I should have explained it further. When I meet a new person, let's say I saw them in a hallway and decided to talk and vice versa, I talk about philosophy, books, art, humanity's issues etc. (Not pretending to know about those) But after we split and see each other again, I talk about stupid/pointless stuff. Such as "If I were a tree I would drop my apples on random people's heads"
I never bring up philosophy and stuff unless they bring it up or there is something around us that reminds me of it.
For some reason, this reminds me of Stéphane Dion's horse's dream bit that I still have no fucking idea what the hell he was talking about or what inspired it hehe
I'll put it this way; see people constantly use human nature as an excuse for negative actions and you too will creep towards a more calculative personality. That is the raw gist of both parts of the question for me.