this post was submitted on 18 May 2025
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209
Are infidelities really that common? (lemm.ee)
submitted 2 days ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
71 comments fedilink hide all child comments
 

Hello. So last week I went to a school reunion for the 20th anniversary of my hometown school. I'm not the kind of person who enjoy this kind of social events, but for this time I made an exception. My old friend from that time asked me to go and I thought I would be funny (spoiler alert: it wasn't funny). After the event and speeches, all my classmates and I went to a restaurant. I sat in front of a girl that I had a bit of a crush on when I was a kid. During the dinner I was mostly in silence, they were talking about gossips, old memories, relationships, comparisons... At some point she talked about a boyfriend she had. She said that she cheated on him like 10 or 20 times, she didn't know the exact number. The thing is... She was laughing about it, and so the others. "I told him I cheated on him, I don't know how many times.." She said, like nothing happened. My ex girlfriend told me that she also cheated on his fiancée some time before the wedding. She always said that infidelities are always there, like it is normal... But is it? I've been thinking about it for some time now, because I know some other cases. But I don't understand... There is no sense of morality ot loyalty or empathy?

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[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 days ago (2 children)

Hah I've never heard the Pigeon Hole Principle applied to infidelity. Pecker Hole Principle?

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

I never heard of this Principle, despite having applied this myself to male/female dating society (including infidelity).

I always imagined it as a Pairing Musical Chairs Principle, where m and n are the amount of chairs and people in team A, and n and m in team B, where n > m.
Thus team A mostly rushes for any chair doing little else, while team B either don't bother playing the same game and instead decorate their respective chairs at team A or they fight for the taken chair that's always greener than the free ones.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 day ago (1 children)

It's math principle. But it assumes the massively oversimplified scenario that you're pairing up groups A and B in basically one go. This is nowhere near reflective of reality.

As for your description.....how do I put this delicately....I think you're overthinking it. I wish you well, bud, I really do.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 day ago

The importance here is that over time, people pair up and the ones left are fighting for the remaining chairs / relationships. The more people have paired up, the more likely the remainders of group A struggle even harder to find a chair/partner, hence the existence of male-gendered incel and 'forever alone' communities.

There's no overthinking it. It's simple math and there's no way around it other than somehow adding more women.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 days ago

Pigeon Hole Principle

Thanks I never heard of that, but that seems to perfectly describe the principle.