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Are infidelities really that common? (lemm.ee)

submitted 2 days ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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Hello. So last week I went to a school reunion for the 20th anniversary of my hometown school. I'm not the kind of person who enjoy this kind of social events, but for this time I made an exception. My old friend from that time asked me to go and I thought I would be funny (spoiler alert: it wasn't funny). After the event and speeches, all my classmates and I went to a restaurant. I sat in front of a girl that I had a bit of a crush on when I was a kid. During the dinner I was mostly in silence, they were talking about gossips, old memories, relationships, comparisons... At some point she talked about a boyfriend she had. She said that she cheated on him like 10 or 20 times, she didn't know the exact number. The thing is... She was laughing about it, and so the others. "I told him I cheated on him, I don't know how many times.." She said, like nothing happened. My ex girlfriend told me that she also cheated on his fiancée some time before the wedding. She always said that infidelities are always there, like it is normal... But is it? I've been thinking about it for some time now, because I know some other cases. But I don't understand... There is no sense of morality ot loyalty or empathy?

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[–] [email protected] 39 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (1 children)

In my experience yes.

My ex was always rambling about how men were always unfaithful, "oops I slipped and my dick ended up inside her" she used to say, to describe how easily men are unfaithful. She made it absolutely clear she wanted a monogamous relationship.
I was never unfaithful to her, but of course it turned out she was herself unfaithful numerous times, and it was crazy how bad she was at hiding it, almost like she wanted me to break up. So I did, and good riddance!!!
Later when I was moving in with a new girlfriend, and I was collecting some of my things at my ex, she was all dressed up, and all over me, kissing me and trying to win me back. She tried to kiss me on my mouth but I turned my head so it was on the cheek.
My girlfriend was waiting in the car outside, and she saw the lipstick on my cheek when I came back, obviously not too happy about it. But I explained it was all my ex and not me.
Lucky for me she didn't ditch me, and later my new girlfriend agreed to become my wife, and we've been together for 20 years now! 🥰

A friend of mine had just bought a very expensive apartment in Copenhagen together with his girlfriend. The papers were signed and the deal was closed. There are a few days where you can get out of the deal, and in that period my friend was told his girlfriend had been unfaithful. He didn't believe it at first, but the day after the deadline for getting out of the purchase, his girlfriend broke up!

I'm not saying women are worse than men, but the idea that men are more unfaithful than women is bullshit. There are more men than women in the relevant age groups, so obviously on average women have more sex than men do. That's simply a statistical necessity.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 day ago (2 children)

Hah I've never heard the Pigeon Hole Principle applied to infidelity. Pecker Hole Principle?

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

I never heard of this Principle, despite having applied this myself to male/female dating society (including infidelity).

I always imagined it as a Pairing Musical Chairs Principle, where m and n are the amount of chairs and people in team A, and n and m in team B, where n > m.
Thus team A mostly rushes for any chair doing little else, while team B either don't bother playing the same game and instead decorate their respective chairs at team A or they fight for the taken chair that's always greener than the free ones.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 21 hours ago (1 children)

It's math principle. But it assumes the massively oversimplified scenario that you're pairing up groups A and B in basically one go. This is nowhere near reflective of reality.

As for your description.....how do I put this delicately....I think you're overthinking it. I wish you well, bud, I really do.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 19 hours ago

The importance here is that over time, people pair up and the ones left are fighting for the remaining chairs / relationships. The more people have paired up, the more likely the remainders of group A struggle even harder to find a chair/partner, hence the existence of male-gendered incel and 'forever alone' communities.

There's no overthinking it. It's simple math and there's no way around it other than somehow adding more women.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 day ago

Pigeon Hole Principle

Thanks I never heard of that, but that seems to perfectly describe the principle.