this post was submitted on 28 Apr 2025
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I don't think freedoms really restrict, I think we end up restricting ourselves because we prioritize those responsibilities over our own desires. I think it's just our perception of what we can do changes, and we get more realistic about what we can achieve.
As you said, as we get older, we get more personal power and experience, and we have the option to try to pursue those, or to take the "easier" path and stick to our responsibilities. I find myself copping-out all the time (i.e. I have kids, so I don't spend time protesting/lobbying for change), yet I totally could make the time for other things if I really prioritize it. In fact, I've been considering running for office because I hate my local reps, I just haven't committed to it yet. But I could totally do it if I really wanted to.
I like the idea of circles of control vs influence (7 habits of highly effective people), or ILOC/ELOC (what my work uses). Basically, you have two groups of things:
Here's an image w/ some examples. As you get older, both circles increase in size. You can take proactive steps to increase the circle of influence faster than the circle of concern, which generally involves goal setting and internal motivation. And that gets hard when responsibilities mount and we just want to relax, and I would be lying if I didn't say the desire to relax beats my desire to grow my circle of influence most of the time.
All great points! I agree that most of it is self-imposed, and a lot of it is even subconscious (i.e. we often don't even notice when we cop out of things - it's just... a thing we did not or would not do)
I will say that some freedoms do legitimately restrict with age, even if they are self-imposed. It's a metaphorical restriction that still effectively, literally, binds you in one way or another.
For example, it's probably against your personal code to even consider walking away from your family. You might consider running for office, but you might not consider risking your life - because it's not just your life you're risking.
Most people are not really free to walk away or risk it all. Even if they logically acknowledge that the choice is technically available, it's behind an invisible wall that they simply won't cross without experiencing or causing some sort of crisis.
Others have the opposite problem - they can't really choose not to risk their lives fighting for a cause, because they know it's not just their life they're fighting for. They can't walk away from their people anymore than you can walk away from your children.
It's not a bad thing, for the record. It's just a thing. We build our lives, and in so doing, we build a structure that contains us. The same limits that we impose upon ourselves serve as the foundation from which we grow as people.
Right, I just think it's important to acknowledge that these restrictions are due to our own priorities, and not imposed on us by someone else. There's far too much victimhood, and I think a simple mental shift of acknowledging that any restrictions we see are self-imposed can really help with life satisfaction (i.e. grants some level of control).
For example, I have always wanted to start my own business, but chose not to because it's too risky. I have obligations to my family, and I haven't yet found a business idea that I can be reasonably confident will provide adequately for them. I'm still free to go pursue a business idea, I'm just deciding not to because stability is more important to me than the possibility of wealth.