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How do you feel when someone apologises too much? (lemmy.world)

submitted 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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So my girlfriend apologises compulsively. I find it easy to talk to her about the reasons why she may do that; however, she posed to me a question today which I found a little more tricky to answer:

How do I feel when I tell her to stop apologising, and why do I feel the need to tell her to stop apologising?

It's honestly something I never gave thought to before. It is a very, very minor annoyance - to the point where I feel calling it an 'annoyance' is too harsh - but I don't actually know why I feel the need to tell her stop doing it all the time.

I'm hoping someone can help me put it into words. So I ask you, Lemmy: how does it feel when someone apologises too much, and why do you feel the need to tell them to stop apologising?

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[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 days ago (2 children)

I used to do this at work. It was based entirely on my confidence level. I compulsively apologized because I fucked up so much. It went away after I got better and more confident in my trade. Maybe try building up her confidence in areas you find her compulsively apologizing in. Does she do it more in certain situations? With certain people?

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I apologize compulsively at work and this thread is making me feel some type of way. Seems like everyone must hate me for it based on this thread I guess. It's like I'm in an unwinnable scenario of bothering people if I fuck up and bothering people if I apologize about it. So then what?

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 day ago

Nah nobody hates you for it. People more often than not will just feel kind of bad for you, because people understand it comes from a lack of self confidence. I don’t get annoyed when other people over apologize, at least they give a shit enough about my opinion to do so.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 day ago

Oh she does it constantly with everyone 😂 she is aware, and is striving to do it less, but yeah, it's all confidence.

She loves baking, for example, and is really good at it, but will apologise profusely for how bad they are before anyone has even tasted them. Perfectionism is absolutely a part of it, and I think that's been imposed on her by her mum who is also a perfectionist and expects everyone else to be a perfectionist.

But yeah, were figuring it out 😊