this post was submitted on 29 Oct 2023
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All these dating apps are owned by the same company and are all kinda scammy. It's very much a pay to play scenario.
Back when OkCupid first came out and they hadn't figured out how to make you pay for everything, it was awesome. I went on so many dates.
Fast forward to last year and I'm dating again and try OkCupid and it was a totally different experience. I never would get messages organically. You have to subscribe to the premium package and then you have to pay to get more super likes so that women actually see your account. It's pretty ridiculous.
So don't use it as a gage to judge yourself. It's just about how much money you spend on the app.
My buddy has been married for like 2 or 3 years to a really cool, smart, and beautiful woman. He dated her for like a year or two before, and they had known each other before that. When I was hanging out with him one night, the topic of dating and the apps came up, I told him it was all a scam now, they want you to pay for everything. He was like "WTF? They only give you a certain amount of free swipes a day and then you either have to pay more or wait? That's some bullshit bro."
Of course before you pay they entice you by saying you have like 10 or 15 matches, but you need to pay to see who they are. One you pay that number is cut in half or less, and they're usually not people you'd be attracted to anyway
Sounds like I got out at the right time with OkCupid which is where I met my gf back in 2014. I recall when I was divorced further back in 2008 how Lavalife, Plenty of Fish, Match, and Craigslist were the places I felt like a kid in a candy store due to when I was first married, online dating apps weren't a thing yet.
OkCupid was much better than eHarmony and Tinder had just come out and it wasn't so money driven then. Sounds like it is much more so now.
I heard about the lawsuit Tinder was in over fake profiles driving users into premium features but I don't think they were alone with that either. It's a shame how some of these services went through change to drive revenue and some are no longer around at all. It was kind of like a golden time to meet people when it was still becoming more acceptable than the cold approach in a club, bar or grocery store for those of us not really into those scenes.
What I liked about the dating apps then was both parties stated what they were looking for and we both we were there for dating. Cold approaching often meant someone is not on that wave length unlike the dating app. I found people were there for the same thing for the most part. Dating of some form being Casual all the way up to married and have my babies. For me it felt like a short cut over trying to figure that out in real time in public.
Today with the apps driven towards looks only I have to wonder if it is more a play on stroking one's own ego and dopamine hits from the randomness of collecting matches versus actually meeting people in real life. I could see that a big bump for someone with no real intention of dating unless it was one of the top 5 percent of the users. Overwise it's just another way to keep us from being bored like scrolling through social media...
I know that's what a lot of people get out of it but it's so surreal to me because my experience has always been the exact opposite. I get virtually no matches or likes, so being on a dating app is just a steady drain on my confidence, and the more I try to engage with the app, the worse it gets.