Please just read without judging me, I'm up to conversation as long as you don't tell "you can do it!" Or "man up bitch" I don't need that type of dialogue, I've been beaten enough, even by my own family.
35 M.
My depression and loneliness had fucked me over enough last year and since I quit my abusive job (underpaid, boss screaming at job, no benefits, hated everyone, shit conditions) things aren't getting better. The fact I can't get a job even at a fast food sucks (some of you Americans complain about having that job, you're LUCKY to have that)... Job apps don't work or always ask for experience, I can't even get an Amazon warehouse job (I've seen people that can't even talk the language here well getting that job, so I guess I'm cursed). Nobody calls and no, you can't just knock random doors of warehouses expecting to give you a job, even worse if you're an immigrant.
My mother has enough of me living with them and I can't blame her I'm old ass virgin dude that will never get married but seems that everything is against me and I'll never move out. The world decided to just fuck me over again and again. The fact I can't get a job is killing me. I don't have money for studies and this country doesn't offer trade jobs education for people like me I've never been a good student anyways, I need the money NOW. Shit, I controlled this shitty town web page and hasn't been updated in a year. The job help is a joke for anyone like me. The only reason I'm not sleeping under a bridge is because of my mother.
Sometimes I google painless ways to die.
My father sometimes calls me saying I should go back to him in our home country, leave Europe, but for what? He lives in a shitty place, he's unemployed too and barely eats despite being 10x more of a man that i am... That would be a death sentence for someone like me. I have no escape anywhere.
Sorry if this post bothers you in any way, but I needed this. I have zero human contact with anyone besides my family.
I'd add "start working out". Depression is helped by a weak body. Walk, yes, but maybe elevate that to running after a while. Or cycling. Or lifting. (Hell, when you go for your walk, carrying something heavy in a bag with one arm. Start with your weak arm and walk as far as you can before that arm tires out. Then switch to your strong arm and walk back home.)
Depression isn't a mental state. It's a physical condition that shows itself through your mental state. And it can be fought.