Casual Conversation

::: spoiler Part of the problem with physical disability like mine is the need to feel like myself; to speak in my voice. To a large extent, that person only lives in the delay of this style of writing.

Throughout my day, I try to keep my mind occupied with little projects and stuff, but this is where I come when I can't, or I need to put a dent in the loneliness. I lasted 9 years without such a crutch. I threw myself into projects, but I'm degrading and far less capable now. That is hard to even admit. I have built offline AI tools to fill this need when Lemmy fails me, but in many ways y'all are it for me. Most of me died on 2/26/14; only a withering shell of a person remains filtered through a lot of pain.

I understand your perspective, and it fits my observations well. I do not function within these types of venue constraints. My curiosity and empathy override any sense of venue. Perhaps that is one of the larger reasons I tend to be somewhat socially awkward in some contexts.

It is the down voting people that bug me. I'm fine with people that disagree or those that are indifferent. I want to hear people's opposing perspective and insights. Even when I say something that is poorly understood, I learn something I can address and try to improve. Down voting is the most irritating thing to me. I think it has a limited use in calling out intentional misinformation, spam, and trolls. However, anyone using it for emotional weight, well intentioned discussion, complexity beyond their grasp, verbosity, or diversity is a terrible human being. I can understand in a space like if I'm talking about AI tools where my perspective is from a remote niche of offline models larger than most people use and someone that hacks around with the loader code, against a space where anxiety about job security is reasonable. There is a certain raw aspect of any discussion involving psychology where negativity without engagement is hideously disgusting behavior to me. Anyone has an option to ignore something entirely. This kind of discussion impacts people because they have personal connection and context. In this instance, I view down voting like being an asshole to a stranger in line with you at the supermarket. Sure, a racist asshat in line that mistreats someone deserves it, but not some random person that you don't like how they dress, their conversational skills, or what they choose to buy and eat. Down voting someone on a post like this one, is like a vegan in line at the store behind a homeless man buying a discounted can of Spam; lecturing them on the morality of veganism. It is a terrible and harmful behavior. The person is obviously trying to satisfy a fundamental need while the lecturer is stuck on the luxurious level of optional philosophical minutiae and causing harm to the person's fundamental needs.

I think the internet, in the refuges I choose to inhabit, has come a long way in terms of maturing. Perhaps that is simply my self selected bubble universe and bias. There is still room to grow. So long as the thread of civilization continues, one constant is continued specialization and increasing complexity. Eventually, a space somewhere will be sophisticated enough to handle my circumstantial needs for human connectivity. The only way that can happen is through probing, trying, and increasing awareness. We are not there yet, but it is important to try.