Selfhosted
A place to share alternatives to popular online services that can be self-hosted without giving up privacy or locking you into a service you don't control.
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It is likely not worth your effort as whatever you come up with will likely result in discord deactivating your account for breaking their ToS, or them breaking their API forcing you to constantly play catch-up.
This is why open communication protocols are so important. Email is still as ubiquitous as it is because it's a protocol, not an API.
I personally think it would be less overall effort to get your friends to switch to an open protocol like matrix, or XMPP than it would playing cat and mouse with proprietary APIs. But you do you, I wish you the best of luck!
https://github.com/matrix-org/matrix-appservice-discord
It looks like there's software to bridge it to Matrix. I have no idea whether that violates ToS. It does look like it's getting development, though, so I can't imagine that Discord has been cutting people off en masse for using it.