this post was submitted on 16 Oct 2023
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Autism

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Resources/Books about People Pleasing (discuss.tchncs.de)
submitted 11 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
3 comments fedilink hide all child comments
 

So I have a big problem with trying to guess what other people are thinking, and letting that dominate what I think, instead of actually listening to my own instincts and opinions. It’s been a lifelong problem, but one I’ve really only started directly grappling with in the last year or so. I struggle a lot with figuring out what I want, and what I think for myself. So I often just wind up being heavily influenced by the people near me. I was wondering if anybody else here has gone through this and found something that helped them move past it. Ideally if you have a good book recommendation, that would be great!

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[–] [email protected] 6 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

My advice is to accept and respect you needing extra time or effort to process what you think and want and how to relate it to what you think other people want.

When you feel the need to respond immediately to all demands, the "safe" option will always be to do what others want.

Find some phrases that work for you if you need to respond to something before you are ready. Something as blunt as "Sorry, I think slow. Give me an hour" might even work. Almost always, people wanting something from you are very patient if they feel that you have understood them.

If people can't give you that patience, that's a bag of red flags. They are consciously or unconsciously trying to exploit your good nature and are not to be respected.