this post was submitted on 21 Jul 2024
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I'm sorry if that's your experience, but it's definitely not universally true. We are doing everything we can for our 14 year old, with some success thanks to modern medicine, but she is diagnosed with BPD.
My 12 year old probably has more trauma and gets less attention because of how much time and effort my 14 year old takes, and she is very well-balanced.
It's not as simple as you're trying to make it.
Yeah, I was the well adjusted kid in a family just like yours. The self-sufficient one, who was well behaved, never did drugs, never broke the law. I had the BPD sibling who caused our parents no end of grief. Threatened me with a knife several times too. You know what I realised around the time I turned 18? I didn't love my parents. I was just going through the motions. I never knew love until I was an adult.
We all thought my sibling was just being difficult. We all thought that my parents were doing everything they could. Nah, I know better now. I got a personality disorder too after I turned 20. Mine was just dormant for longer. Fuck my parents.
Family just like yours.
There's not much more I can do. I spend as much time with them as they will let me. My 12 year old is super independent, but we do have some great conversations later after everyone else is in bed. She and I built a table from scratch together - to the extent she would let me help. I actually love spending time with her when she'll tolerate me. If things go badly for her, it will not be due to abuse or lack of love.
I don't have that same relationship with my 14 year old because I can't, but I sure would if I could.
I'm not trying to absolve your parents for what you went through. I'm genuinely sorry for how things went for you. I can see with my own eyes how hard it is to be that kid and I feel terrible that you had to go through it. All I can say is people have other experiences.