this post was submitted on 20 Apr 2024
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Before I wanted them to have a phone, I got a second d phone. It was my phone, not my kids phone. I would let my child take it when they went for a ride, or stayed over with a friend, or whatever. But it was my phone. If I had to take it off them, I wasn’t taking their phone, I was taking my phone. The difference is important. It also gave them a chance to learn appropriate use, and normalised me being in control of it. By age 10-11 the phone was basically theirs, in their hands, but the control is still mine. So my advice is don’t give the phone to your child, especially it as a present. It’s more difficult to take something of theirs away, but if they borrow something of yours, it’s much easier.
This is the way to go. I don't have kids, but it's how my sisters went about it. For the longest time if my nephew wanted to call and talk to me, the number would ring up as my sister's number, because not only was it a spare phone, but it was dually connected with her number (not sure how tbh, she worked for a carrier for a long time).
It's just hard to find that thin line between allowing them to have something or have them be behind all their friends who do have access to one.
My policy would probably be worse, tbh. I'd toss them an old Nokia and be like, "Legends say it'll take the force of an 18 wheeler and a flood and still work." For context, I had a friend who ran his over 3 times with his dad's mack truck, reducing it to just a screen and PCB which he used as his phone at school. Then I watched him accidentally drop and fully submerge said screen and PCB into a half foot deep puddle while we ran down a mountain in a thunderstorm and that sucker still worked.
It was his experiment, to keep trying to destroy it to the point where he couldn't use it but have to use it if it did. I think it died not too long after, though.
I apologize for being harsh, but you have no monkey in this circus.
Yeah! How dare someone without a child share their opinion and relevant life experiences. That dick should know we don't care for his type here!
/s in case it's needed
The comment is not a response to the prompt though, but a reply to another comment.
None taken, friend. I understand that, but I still think about these things a lot. I'm still young enough where I could have a happy accident, even if we're not trying. My mind is always on how to be a good father if it did.
Not having the Futurama brain slug that comes with having a child makes you a more objective and better observer of parenting in my opinion.
It also often makes people prone to establishing rules and lines in the sand that they’ll never adhere to because they underestimate the will and ingenuity of young humans lol
Probably true. Idealism always loses out to material reality.
It’s not so much choosing the practical over the idealistic as it is about not preconceiving notions of success that are unrealistic and - more importantly - Would not necessarily bring about the results you want anyway.
Remember the entire reason for having any sort of rules in your home is to establish a certain culture and value system. Banning your kid from watching TV is not going to create a healthy relationship with TV, in my opinion. Instead, you have to put in the work and watch stuff with them. Be aware of the programming that is out there. Be knowledgeable and available for when your kid has questions. Fostering a better understanding of media while creating a safe corner for your kids to process things that maybe are more difficult will probably lead to better results.
Everyone is different, but that is how I personally view it. It’s not about making sure my kids don’t watch too much TV. It’s about the role that TV plays in their lives and my relationship with them.
And on a simpler level: it’s not just about the TV. It’s also about what’s on it. Shows like Bluey are fantastic programming for the whole family.
As a successful father I'll tell you the secret. Raise excellent humans.
That's hopefully the plan if that time does come. Two of my three sisters lived at home and single while raising their first kids, so I tried to help them out as much as I could. I wouldn't be completely blind going in. I'd be fretting a lot at first, though. The world would seem much more dangerous with a kid to worry about.
I really like this idea. I am going to mention it to my partner. We have been trying to craft a policy for it recently.
Best answer yet. Plus, you can sneak on then when in doubt with FindMyPhone or something. Thank you.
No, that is bullshit. If you don't trust them or if they can't be trusted don't give them a phone. Nanny parenting, or pretending you're the NSA is unhealthy for their development, and gives you an illusion of control of their life that is inaccurate and misleading.
Talk to your fucking kid about your worries or their behavior and/or parent them, actually drive behavioral change, but don't bitch out and not parent and pretend the E-leash is helping them or you.
You can do this, but I'll warn you that my mother did this and it destroyed all trust in our relationship. Seriously, not for a week, or a month, it has been 20 years and the trust is still ruined. I didn't even drink or smoke or anything, I'm still angry at her for snooping on me, not trusting me.
She has never apologized or felt any remorse for tracking me. All she had to do was ask where I was and I would have told her. You do this, understand how your child will react.
We just did this a month or so ago. My wife's old Pixel 4a got a data-only SIM, and we locked it down extensively with a profile for each of the older kids (9 and 7). Websites and apps are allow-only. They can call or text us through Google Chat, and we also allow Pokemon Go and a couple of other things. We call it the "Family Phone," and they don't have unlimited access to it, but it's handy to have something to hand them when they leave the house without us.