this post was submitted on 16 Mar 2024
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In a peak hipster move, they’re all married to each other to get a tax break on the most expensive loft in the Greenpoint neighborhood in Brooklyn.
They keep insisting it’s totally ironically though and they’re, in fact, not gay.
They also probably run their own men’s skincare line, with names like “Face Mud” and “Beard Grease” as not to offend anyone’s “masculinity”, but it’s actually very fancy and couture with organic, fair-trade ingredients, produced by hand, on their roof.
They all have names like Jasper or Hamilton and will name their pets Bill Furray or Adolf Kitler.
"Monogamy? In this economy?"
In the best of NYC tradition, they’re all committing benefits fraud by registering each other with the city as dependants so they all collect $5K/month in SNAP and $2K/month in Cash Assistance. Each. Their loft is rent controlled, and the city pays 100% of rent and utilities. They all have free health insurance, paid by the city of New York.