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My experiences with death has cured me of any atheist delusions. There's a damn good reason they say, "there are no atheists in foxholes." It's not about whether you believe this or that to be real or not real - that is irrelevant - it's about what matters in those horrible moments people experience true mortality before they go. It's not pretty like they pretend it to be in the movies, and armchair philosophizing doesn't mean squat to people then.
People react differently, sure, some will call out to some higher power even if they don't believe, if these call-outs are part of their vocabulary. I certainly say "oh god" a lot, even though I'm a very vocal anti-theist and strong atheist. But they do not necessarily beg a higher power to safe them because they actually believe, but because in distress reaching for help is human instinct and our theism infused culture conditions us towards "god" in such situations.
I'm not proud of it, but in distress I did call to god for help. But hey, I was 11 years old and just had my fingers crushed to paste, I was in shock and not thinking and at no point did I actually expect help.
None of that is belief, as soon as peoole regain their senses, they discard it. Just like wounded soldiers on a battlefield don't actually expect their mothers to show up and safe them, yet still call out to them.
Belief needs conviction and irrational panic behavior tells us nothing about conviction but a lot about ingrained childhood experience and familial as well as societal indoctrination.
Doesn't sound like the actions of a "strong atheist" (if such a thing can or should even exist) to me... just sounds like bog-standard human behavior.
But you've left all of that behind, right? You're a big, strong, rational main character now that will never be put into such a vulnerable situation ever again, right?
Perhaps it is and perhaps it isn't - and that probably isn't even relevant.
When I cease to be hungry I stop eating - that doesn't mean I reject the concept of food.
In other words... atheist reasoning only works as long as everything is comfortable and non-threatening? It offers absolutely nothing to those in distress?
I'd say that's a big, gaping hole in said reasoning.
So does non-belief, apparently. At least, that's what the narratives I hear from atheists seem to suggest.
You want a drink with all that straw, man?
Depends... is it big enough to fill the giant gap in atheist reasoning?