avalokitesha

joined 1 year ago
[–] [email protected] 0 points 1 year ago

If you think about it as a dialect the only way to learn it is like any other language that doesnt have a textbook: exposure with the native speakers.

I think the point OP was trying to make is that most likely people who know this dialect (i. E. Are used to working with your bess) have an idea of how he wants things.

In this case, the dialect would have a very small subset of speakers (only the people used to working with your boss).

I can see the logic in this argument, but I don't think such a small subset of speakers qualifies as a dialect and I think your boss is just being difficult. Also I'm pretty sure this would have been an issue for many neurotypicals too, since the info wasnt communicated properly.

I think this is more an example of power play - your boss is in power and how dare you not know? It's the same treatment we get from NTs everywhere. They are "in power" in the sense that they can expect most people to pick up on their code and don't have to change. Your boss on the other hand just doesn't care if you had a chance to understand and that's why I think he's just power trippy.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (3 children)

Like liquorice, the really intense one (salmiak). i don't think English has a word for it, since it was not recognized as a flavor before.

The thing is, I know the flavor but wouldn't know how to describe it to someone who doesn't. Asian (Korean and Chinese, to be precise) friends told me it tasted like medicine to them, because apparently it's a common flavor in traditional medicine for them?

Edited for typos.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

I don't know you or anything about you but what you said, but holy shit. If I was in your care, I would end up more traumatized than before.

Boundaries are a thing. If people refuse to accept boundaries, as some therapist and especially nurses like very much to do, they are toxic. If someone tells you they don't want to be interrupted sometimes, respect that. Don't go all "I know what's best for you", unless yop're talking to a literal child - and even then think about whether you're just telling the child what to do because you don't think it should be doing what it wants or because it's really better for the kid.

Some people need alone time. It's called introversion. An international trip with constant blabbering sounds like a nightmare. I'm imagining they had booked a double room with no option for OP to withdraw. I would melt down in two days.

Not everyone is maladapted and blaming others. Some people have good reason for what you deem unreasonable demands. I don't know if your client are full-blown adults or have a handicap where their judgement is impaired somewhat, but I want to encourage you to stop and think whether what you're teaching them actually helps them and fits their individual needs or whether you you think you figured out a blanket approach that you try to get everyone to follow, no matter their mental needs.

Edit: I, too, have a relationship, a great circle of friends and a well-paying full-time job, if you want to claim authorities in something here. And I do set healthy boundaries like OP does. There is no one-size-fits-all.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 year ago

I'm kinda frowning at the thought that you requiring time to yourself and taking care of yourself is avoiding demands. If my therapist told me that I'd rip him a new one. Thankfully he doesn't and actually encourages me to remove myself from unhealthy situations.

My social battery isn't endless. My processing ability isn't endless. I recharge both by spending time alone in my thoughts and hopefully getting into a flow state with whatever I'm doing.

I'm lucky enough that I have a job where that happens - I'm partially able to offset the social and mental cost of a job by simply working. But other than that I allow myself to not be productive.

My awesome therapist once prescribed me to get bored. Sit on the couch, stare out the window and try not to do anything. My brain needs that time to process everything happening during the day. Scrolling the web, comics, news that interest me? Also helping to process and get lost in a flow state.

Once I started allowing myself that, I fell asleep much better, because the input throughout the day gets processed througout the day and not at night. If you always keep busy, try to always be productive, the whole input waiting to be processed builds up like water behind a dam. Once you lay down, the dam breaks and you can't stop. It's not a bad habit to break. It's just a necessity for your brain to do.

If you're anything like me, the only thing you're doing "wrong" is not creating little islands of boredom and flow. If people refuse to accept that, they are the problem. They are crossing boundaries without a second thought. They may think they are helpful but they are not. To me it sounds like you are having your best interest in mind and acting on it despite this weird feeling of "but they love me, I should be grateful".

Love is about a lot of things, and respect is a big one. If boundaries are ignored, these people are acting toxic. I know this feels unhelpful, because you want human connection, but imho these people most likely took more out of you than they gave you. Maybe your friend has his own issues that make him not able to shut up, but it can't be you who pays the price. Maybe that girl thought you need someone to take care of you and who knows better than you and guide you through life, and that's why she nagged.

Long story short: no matter the intention, not everyone who cares about you will be actually helpful. Not everything is your fault. Keep doing you, identify your needs, communicate them (it sounds like you already did that, which is huge) and then enforce them.

From what you mentioned, I actually think you're doing great. Took me years of therapy to get to that point.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago (3 children)

I always thought it was just not possible to measure the state without changing it, so we have no way of even guessing. Schrödinger's Cat is actually a terrible analogy imho, I always liked to think of it like christmas presents - you don't know what the inside looks like until you open it. It could be anything!

But then again, once we open it we know it has always been that. Maybe a chameleon in a box and we can't know what color it had at a given time, even if we open it later? :::

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

TL,DR: I don't see this as glorifying, but as a nuanced point of view. Autism is neither a fantastical thing nor is it necessarily the end of the world. It all depends on a lot of external factors, and the people around you (autistic or not) are a huge part of that.

For me this has nothing to do with supremacy and is just an explanation. Granted, I may be missing context, since I never heard anything about the account posting it, but on its own with no explanation I don't see it.

Supremacy would be if they said "NTs are so dumb for just speaking one language".

What I see there is NTs having the privilege that everyone around them understands them - similar to people in a rural area before the internet or mass media. They dont need to worry about being understood or think about how people could have other languages without necessarily being dumb - this is the difference between being smart and being educated.

Being educated is book knowledge that you have to acquire or be taught, but even without that you can be smart. And in my eyes it's a fact that neurotypicals are not well educated about autism, because a lot of the current knowledge is quite recent.

Also, this statement is solely about the social aspect, not talking about sensory issues. There's studies showing that autistic people among themselves communicate just as well as neurotypical people among themselves and issues show up when the neurotypes are mixed. I'm trying to remember names associated with it, but my memory fails me - I think it was a british study.

This study matches my personal experience though. And it's the reason why I disclose at work (thankfully my country has good protections in place).

With other autistic/often also adhd people, communication is pretty smooth. With NTs, there's hiccups, but they understand why and are patient because of that.

All this does not mean autism is a superpower or anything. Since I'm privileged enough to work in my special interest field, my hyperfocus kicks in quite a bit, so I can take advantage of that.

The sensory issues, on the other hand, can be quite debilitating at times, and I need accommodation for that. It's not all rainbows and sunshine even if you take the social issues out (or manage to alleviate them as in my case). Autism is still a disability after all, but posts like this are still a good thing because it's also not always doom and gloom. If you get the right environment, it can be manageable enough to have a decent life.

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