HalfSalesman

But I don't want her to fail. I want to be wrong, desperately. I legitimately want to feel fucking stupid about being doomer in 4 years.

I'll probably try to help in non-risky ways at best but I think I might be pretty useless anyway. Being an atheist and terrified of death/non-existence yet also resenting having been born doesn't tend to make one particularly productive in meaningfully resisting death cult nazi's.

I don't know if I'm capable of being productive. I'm having a mental breakdown.

Staying silent is exhausting.

White, yes. Bisexual though. AMAB, but honestly IDK what my gender is. I just go by he/him for convenience though.

Significantly Autistic. Negative net worth from the expense of a nearly worthless college degree. Live in a red state rural American wasteland. Terrified of death yet still with suicidal idealization as of late.

But honestly none of this matters. Concern over Identity is all virtue ethics. I don't care about virtue ethics. My identity doesn't intrinsically matter outside the consequences of it. Whether I'm correct matters. Consequences matter. Or at least, mattered.

I owe you literally nothing. I owe the world literally nothing. I could just off myself out of spite and I'd be 100% in the right because I literally did not choose to be born, no individual chooses to be born.

That said, I earnestly wanted the world to be better. I used to have a small sliver of hope for that. My resentment toward politics comes from seemingly having to swim up a fucking waterfall while people who ought to have been my allies hold my ankles.

Human beings are dying everyday in horribly unjust ways, not just Palestinians, and Palestinians are going to be worse off under Trump. If you disagree with the latter point you are delusional and we don't need to talk anymore.

I wanted to minimize death and suffering. Harris objectively would have caused less than Trump. That's it.

Its probably something to do with being autistic but IDK.

I'm not being rational anymore since the election, I'm just giving in a lot to bad impulses because I don't have much fight in me anymore because before I kind thought things were worth fighting for. Now I look around at the average stranger and think "7/10 times that person either voted for Trump or failed to vote meaning I probably hate them." And then like, half of the remainder who voted Harris were probably libs that were anti-Bernie Sanders in 2016 and 2020 so I don't think I'd be happy to meet them either. Its not good for my mental health and there is no solution but suffering a now pointless fucking existence.

I know other thoughts floating in my head are new as well and I'm not super thrilled about them.

I'm not, I'm just angry and bitter and venting. Its not rational its seeking catharsis from lashing out.

Understandable.

You fundamentally misunderstand why I used to care and now don't. I don't believe in virtue ethics, I don't even believe in free will.

Before it mattered if they won because it'd (maybe) prevent doom. Now I don't see a way out. Its consequences that matter and we're now signed up for the worst consequences regardless.