this post was submitted on 01 Sep 2023
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Programmer Humor

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[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 year ago (2 children)

I forked an opensource project to add a couple features for my wife. 😊

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)

And? Did she accept your, err, pull request? 😏

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Remember kids, always use protected branches.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Pushing directly to main just feels better.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

I prefer "master"

[–] [email protected] 3 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

and remember, no means no. if git doesnt want you to merge, dont --force it

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

This is the kind of love I need in life πŸ’œ

So cute! And practical!

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 year ago (3 children)
[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago

For being a sick burn, that was ice cold. I love it.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago

lmfao savage

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago (3 children)

"Girl, I named no variables after you, because you're my only Constant"

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

You’ll need an exception handler for all those dropping panties.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

smooth πŸ‘

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

"Girl, you are my Two's Complement, you're always my plus one on any occaision"

Cuz if you invert the bits of of a binary number and add one you get its negative number, so your girlfried is an equal part of you

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

Once when I was still a kid, I told a woman I loved her so much that I could only love her more if she was a robot.

She did not think that was romantic.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago (1 children)

there are so many things wrong with this

[–] [email protected] 0 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I think it's kinda sweet for a kid. I mean what's cooler than a robot when you're 7? that's pretty much the pinnicle of "cool" at that age, or at least it was for me. So to compare a crush to a robot for a kid is similar to shakespear comparing thier lover to "a summer's day" or Selena Gomez comparing thier lover to "a love song"

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

I, uh, wasn't 7. I was about 10 years older than that and just dumb.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

The creator of MySQL, MaxDB and MariaDB named them after his children My, Max and Maria, so why not

[–] [email protected] 0 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Then what's about MongoDB?

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

Hi, it's me, Mongo.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

I wrote an automation specifically for my partner to unlock the front door when they arrive home.

Also we got a sexy time button.

Home Assistant is a path to what many would consider... Unnatural.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

Keeping programming as far away from my relationships as possible.

Instead, I distract them with the fact that I'm a pretty damned good cook and know where the best hole in the wall restaurants are.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

When I was learning programming I wrote a small program that I called for_you.exe. It printed an animated ASCII penis ejaculating on some boobs. I emailed it to my girlfriend and thankfully she thought it was hilarious. We're still together.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

You can tell your age by the fact that you were emailing an exe file.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

Well, I made my girlfriend a GUI app that converts subtitles from Windows-1251 to utf-8 encoding so that she doesn't have to remember how to do it. And I didn't even name it after her...

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago (1 children)

You can also combine your names into a Linux distribution.

Deb + Ian = Debian.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 1 year ago (2 children)

I bet they've broken up since

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago (2 children)

The word "Debian" was formed as a portmanteau of the first name of his then-girlfriend (later ex-wife) Debra Lynn and his own first name

Wiki

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

"Later ex-wife" is like three tenses of information at once.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

Peak efficiency

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

Debra must be so pissed by now

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

β€œI’m sorry you merged WHAT upstream? No I don’t care if there’s a new glibc out there, the one we have works just fine.”

[–] [email protected] 0 points 1 year ago

Had tons of kids though. Have you met the buntu family?

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

Name a linux distro after her and yourself. Always works.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I made a website for my wife with a list of a ton of reasons why I love her and each time she taps the screen it shows a new one.

So... that is a thing you can do for the cost of a domain name and some cheap hosting.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 1 year ago (1 children)

How many reasons did you code into it?

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I don't know, I'd have to check the database. I add to it every once in a while so it keeps growing. I think I started with around 20 or so

[–] [email protected] 0 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Do you check the list to make sure there aren't any repeats?

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

Me when
When I fail my DSA course

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

β€œThe two hardest problems in programming are cache invalidation, naming things and off-by-one errors.”

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

I mean Steve Jobs named the Lisa after the daughter he disowned. There’s opportunities here.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 1 year ago (1 children)

My partner programmed me a birthday card, so the programming flirt is real.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 1 year ago (1 children)

How does that work? Asking for a friend

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

A few ideas:

  • a web page with beautiful CSS and possible animation
  • LaTeX, for those into BDSM
  • a game engine for an interactive "card"
[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

These are actually pretty sweet

  • LaTeX, for those into BDSM

Ooo, are you compiling that by hand? Kinky~