People tweeting stuff. We allow tweets from anyone.
RULES:
This comment is not meant to come off as judgemental, so I hope it doesn't. I know that many other relationships function differently, but I cannot comprehend long term partners that do not want to combine everything. My partner is my partner, full stop, in all ways. There is no "splitting" because the money she earns and the money I earn is just our money. We budget together, we discuss purchases together, we shop together.
My wife and I have been sharing finances and everything forever. But many people don't and it really feels like it's because they half know it's not going to work out. So they just don't bother committing.
Nahh, I’d just rather avoid the arguments over what she spends money on. I disagree with it, but we keep our finances separate so it’s her money to spend, not our money to discuss how it gets spent.
Just easier that way
If you two make enough that she can keep her own money and buy whatever she wants without affecting your finances, then arguing about what she spends money on when your finances aren't separate has nothing to do with money.
Same. We have our own accounts as well as shared accounts. We both put the same amount into our shared accounts but also maintain the rest separately. Best of both worlds. No reason to agree about non-shared expenses. I watched my parents argue over money too many times to want that in my life. We don't need to agree or share opinions on non-shared purchases.
Honestly, to me even watching people do that whole "we share everything, we have no secrets, we completely gave up our own personality" routine is incredibly creepy. I wouldn't want a partner who expects the relationship to replace literally everything in their life, that sounds exhausting. Not to mention that I am definitely not going to share everything someone else tells me in confidence with any partner, those are not my secrets to share.
Matter of taste. With my last husband, we just placed both our salaries into a shared account, took all the expenses out of it, then split the remainder 50/50. Each one could do whatever they wanted with their half, and we even had a flex account for house expenses that weren't covered in the original expenses calculation, and it worked great.
I mean, whatever works for you and for your relationship.
I'm sure some relationships are like you described, and that does seem asphyxiating, but there's a middle ground where one can trust a partner with shared finances knowing that they are responsible and that big ticket items are discussed and agreed between the two.
As for secrets, it depends. If it is something that relates directly to my partner and affects them, I will tell them always. Otherwise, no. There's no expectation from them that I'll share every last secret about everyone they know, or vice versa.
I swear there was one about couples doing this specifically
It depends on how you do your finances. For some couples, the one account method works for them. My preference is to have a joint account for joint expenses where we agree what we're going to put in it. Budget from there.
Independent accounts are for surprises or whatever we want to spend it on.
"go where?"
Bro, there's always a line of other guys waiting.
One night in each bed?
Ah the ole 2 steps from prostitution tactic.
If they're saying their sexual relationship is strictly contingent on having their housing paid for by that person... They're 0 steps away.
No judgement. Sex work is work. But that's what the transaction here is.
This assumes she's having sex with him.
She's a bed hopper. They don't pay things like rent.
I'd never expect my wife to pay half the rent outside of an extremely narrow set of circumstances.
Because my career has more earning potential than hers, so we split things proportionally.
We don't even split things. Our money goes into the same accounts. And from that we pay our bills and other expenses.
We have agreements to not go buying things we don't need, and to not pay for superfluous services. And a softish budget we adhere to.
Splitting it sounds way too painful.
Same. My wife and I have a shared bank account which our salaries go into and which our bills come out of. Neither of us are especially profligate so it works fine. We discuss any significant purchases, but don't worry about the small stuff, just check the budget through the month as we go. We never argue about money.
Try to get into actually budgeting. There's a number of free options; I have been enjoying ActualBudget. It's empowering to keep accurate track of your money and it will also make you appreciate it more.
This exact wording is posted loads across the years, but the people speaking are always different.