Greentext

You can’t do much about how you look, beyond basic hygene and self care.

That was exactly how I read their comment. Don't worry about trying to reach the ceiling, focus on staying off the floor. Basic hygiene, grooming, caring about yourself.

I think there is so much you can do for how you look - skin care, hydration, diet, exercise, etc. can radically change the way a person looks - but I tend to agree that personality matters much more. My point is that most people seem to get lost trying to make themselves physically attractive, and incel culture like looksmaxxing seem to fall into that logic as well, but they miss that the bar is lower than they expect. And of course, your point is missed by this community as well - that looks are even less important overall than how you hold yourself and interact, etc. - the mental stuff is the most important. Luckily good diet, hydration, and exercise help with that too!

You're looking at unbalanced relationships. As you say, there are plenty and some even keep going somehow. But they are not really what anyone should aim for, right? We can recognise we are not perfect and still aim high and try to improve. And of course we should probably be supporting our similarly imperfect partner do the same. Teamwork and all that.

The whole worthiness bullshit is self inflicted pain. I had a good friend exactly in that situation, thinking she didn't deserve love because she had cheated in her previous relationship. Took her a few years and the support and love of her friends before she realised that's not how things work at all. Ended up married with a gamer and a kid and opening a boardgames café together.