this post was submitted on 12 Feb 2025
410 points (97.7% liked)

Not The Onion

15847 readers
11 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Please also avoid duplicates.

Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
 
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] [email protected] 75 points 2 months ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 58 points 2 months ago (3 children)
[–] [email protected] 20 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Pfft, Britain and France already have plenty of islands. No, it is only right that it goes to a country that has none. One that has no islands because it has no land at all any more. Only Yugoslavia has a rightful claim to Greenland. Greenland and Yugoslavia are even roughly the same shape, especially if you just include Albania into Yugoslavia for extra inter-Balkan diplomacy!

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 21 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Red, white and blue are like the most common country flag colours. USA, UK, Australia, New Zealand, France, Russia, Netherlands, Chile, Cuba, Czechia, Iceland, Laos, Liberia, Luxembourg, North Korea etc. I'm sure you get the point. It seems like most countries aren't particularly creative or daring when it comes to flags. Almost like all the lions and eagles that you see in military or old timey flags and symbols.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 2 months ago (2 children)

Fun Fact: Jamaica is the only country to not have red, white, or blue in its flag.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 months ago

Huh that's pretty cool. Definitely a fun fact!

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 63 points 2 months ago (2 children)

can you imagine being a Democrat congressperson who actually wants to do something useful for people and having to listen to this? I'd probably just resign.

[–] [email protected] 54 points 2 months ago (1 children)

All resigning does is give them a greater margin to win votes by. We have several chances to win a tie or majority in the house and senate

Three house seats are up for special elections, two in florida and one in NY. If they all elect democrats, there will be a tie in the houde and any bill can be blocked.

Senate votes can be held without all members present, so making sure all democrat congress members always show up and always vote gives a good chance of blocking some bills

Also in 2026 will be the midterm and we can vote republican congressmembers out, as they only have a majority and not a supermajority.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 2 months ago

What I want to know is: what does the vote of a Republican Senator cost these days? Can we start GoFundMe campaigns to get some things changed in our preferred direction?

[–] [email protected] 18 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Imagine being a republican congressman and jerking off under your desk to this while giggling?

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 months ago

Great, now I'm gonna have nightmares.

[–] [email protected] 51 points 2 months ago (3 children)

I thought this was just a meme

[–] [email protected] 60 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

When professional edgelords control the state, us mere shitposters can just watch in awe

https://www.congress.gov/bill/119th-congress/house-bill/1161/text

[–] [email protected] 12 points 2 months ago (2 children)

I want to know why it's not "Trump Land."

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 months ago (2 children)
load more comments (2 replies)
[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 months ago

Saving that for 2029.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 months ago

It really displays how those in US governance have astonishingly low IQs. Being run by evil moronic muppets.

[–] [email protected] 41 points 2 months ago (2 children)

This is fantastic news! I didn't know that's where the world's supply of eggs was stored!

[–] [email protected] 24 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I can taste the lower prices!

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 months ago

I think you could taste a little lower, while you're down there.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Walrus fat can be converted to gasoline. Winning!

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 30 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I thought we had more time until Idiocracy.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 2 months ago

They want to make it even dumber than Idiocracy.

[–] [email protected] 25 points 2 months ago

Jesus fucking Christ

[–] [email protected] 22 points 2 months ago

I am against trying to acquire Greenland. However, I support this naming. If the USA is going to let something this moronic happen, we deserve to have this be a monument to our impotence and idiocy.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 2 months ago (3 children)
[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 months ago (2 children)

I'm not your buddy, friend!

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 months ago

I’m not your friend, mate.

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (2 replies)
[–] [email protected] 18 points 2 months ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 14 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

"...freest nation to ever exist..."

Fuckin lol

This guy must be choking on Trump's balls

[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Just find the zip code for his district.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 months ago
[–] [email protected] 17 points 2 months ago (2 children)

This is just more bullshit to distract from egg prices and Elon robbing all of us in a Superman 3 scheme.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] [email protected] 16 points 2 months ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 months ago (1 children)

His voters. "Yuck yuck yuck! You go Buddy! Yeeeehaw! Now where's my disability check?"

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 months ago (1 children)

i'm hoping the moronic posturing is just a front for evil.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 13 points 2 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 months ago

I want to get off MR TRUMPS WILD RIDE

[–] [email protected] 11 points 2 months ago

I'm seeing the name of the community, and I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an onion. It's that onion-y.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 months ago

One drugs please, doctor

[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 months ago

They literally already told us to fuck off.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Jabba-the-Orange is planning on acquiring Greenland by invasion. They have already dusted off the draft and notification of the next-of-kin plans

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I'm just waiting for Mexico to rename usa to "Little Mexico"

[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 months ago
[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 months ago

The irony.

Russia is to the Ukraine as the USA is to Greenland/Denmark.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 months ago

it should be called "Blellowland"

Change my mind

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

They were serious about that?

At least come up with a different name; Red, White and Blue Land sounds like a theme park... Trump totally should re-open Action Park and invite as of his friends there. That would be so wonderful.

load more comments
view more: next ›