Asklemmy

I think it would be more constructive to talk to a therapist about this compulsion to steal.

Everyone steals a couple times as a kid I think but it sounds like you still have this compulsion and did it far more frequently than most kids. Really only a therapist can help you work through this. And the guilt you feel associated with it.

There's not really any value in determining whether labels like good person or bad person apply to you. Either option tends to end in the same result: an end to the process of introspection and a continuation of the same behavior you're already doing. "I'm a good person so I don't have to change" or "I'm a bad person so there's no point in trying to change" but change is the only thing that will actually affect the feelings that are inspiring you to ask the question.

The update looks like a step in a healthy direction. You felt scared so you looked for support and you felt guilty so you looked to apologize (and reimburse). Stay focused on the process of feeling better and stop stressing about absolutes.

I hope that giving back the money and buying him lunch will be enough. But don't be surprised if he loses trust in you and needs more to rebuild the relationship.

you could be a kleptomaniac. i'd check out a psychiatrist if i were you.

Judgement:

• Stealing from family and friends is super wrong.
• Stealing from strangers is pretty wrong.
• Stealing from small delis and family-owned business is wrong.
• Stealing from supermarkets and retailers? Eh.

if you are really worried about it have a session with a mental health professional. Kleptomania is a type of OCD and can and should be treated

Fundamentally, your question is “does it make me a bad person if I have done bad things?”, which is so complicated that people make entire philosophies and religions out of the answers to that, haha.

My view: you can be a good person who has done bad things, if you change your behavior and try to make amends. That doesn’t mean everyone has to accept or forgive you, but it’s a necessary part of being a good person.

Okay I don't have any advice except this:

If you have to steal, please only steal from big corporate chain stores, not the small bussiness.

Also, be careful, cameras are everywhere these days.

I'm not judging the act of theft, just where you steal from. Please only steal from the rich.

Edit: Btw, I also really want to steal stuff... just because...

The only thing stopping me is the legal punishment. I hate the rich for what they've done to society and I'd love to steal, it makes me happy.

I already do a lot of digital piracy. I feel so good. Its a victimless crime. 🏴‍☠️

Something I've heard in different ways goes something like this: A young man wanted a bike so he prayed to his god for a bike but never got it. So he stole the bike and prayed for forgiveness.

You already know the answer to your question. The (rhetorical) question now, is what will you do going forward?

You gotta talk to a psych and get diagnosed

There isn’t anything inherently wrong with stealing if you need to, but in our society, you’ve done some things that are socially unacceptable. However, you can’t change the past so don’t worry about it. People do dumb shit when they’re young. You can only change your behavior to better yourself and your neighbors in the future. Be better tomorrow than you were today.

“What is better: to be born good or to overcome your evil nature through great effort?”

• Paarthurnax

I'll tap in for Brother Bear!

What are you trying to solve here beyond indulging guilt? Your last sentence is outright asking to be told you're bad. If you want validation or excuse for that you can go to confession or seek diagnosis (which might fairly fit into your plan, I'm not judging).

You say, "If you steal from someone ... saying sorry doesn’t do much for me because if you were sorry, you wouldn’t have done it in the first place." I hear, "avoidance". Apologies are promises, commitments, and covenants, not regret and remorse. Simply Feeling Bad is the relinquished barfly's philosophy and doesn't accomplish much but prolonging the bad feeling.

Talking anonymously online or in person can be a healthy start to validate and work through both the stealing and the secrecy, but growing beyond those releases all The Stuff so you can exist honestly and authentically with your pack.

There are no good and bad people. People are just people, with all the complexity that involves.

But if you feel this concern then it's probably a sign to talk to a mental health professional.

Seek a therapist. Some universities offer their students counseling for free if you can't afford it.

Stealing as a compulsion is a psychological issue it's nothing to feel bad about as you have no control over it, just a) do the best you can to NOT do that and b) as a college student, you should have assistance available to you to help out. It might be worth talking to a counsellor about it or see of the school offers psych services.

Failing that, in the US, under Obamacare, you're covered under your parents health insurance until you turn 26, it would be worth seeing what services are available there.

You are a very good person, because you are reflective of your past, conscious of your actions, and have morals that gave you the guilt that you feel. You're alright little one.

Obviously shitty, but you seem to understand that and are working to stop. Nobody was permanently or seriously harmed, and you're working on making reparations to the person that you harmed the most, even if they don't know it.

Sounds like you were a shitty kid that didn't know better, and that you've gained some forethought. Sucks that it mostly came from fear of consequences for yourself instead of empathy to others, but it also seems like you're on the right path.

It's okay to grow and to learn how to be a better person. Keep going. Seconding the other commenter that suggested therapy - even if not directly about this.

Feel free to call me a pos

this feels like a trap

I mean, you already know it’s not a good thing, and you already know the “moral” reasons and the practical reasons why.

Colleges will often provide counseling, psychological, and psychiatric services for free or cheap. They’re not going to turn you in, they’re going to try to help you work past these urges that harm yourself & others.

Robin Hood is a thief. You're not a bad person. I get it. I have enough money and sometimes I have the urge to steal. It would be terrible to get caught because I have an exemplary function at work, to my children, in my surroundings... You have to consider whether it's worth it. The fact that you ask the question is a good thing.

Stealing is morally neutral, but can be a dick move if it's against individuals/results in the dispossession of something a person needs or cares about. But shoplifting/stealing from businesses is fine. They consider it inventory loss the same as if they dropped a bottle on the floor. It's written into their spending calculations and is an expected part of business. And quote unquote "small businesses" still had enough capital to start a business in the first place, and are ultimately insignificant anyway since the petit-bourgeoisie is doomed to forever either become big bourgeoisie or become proletarianised/unpropertied; proletarianisation is a progressive force and I'm not bothered if members of the petit-bourgeoisie become proletarianised, not that they will anyway purely from someone shoplifting lol.

Just follow the standard advice. Don't shit where you eat (don't shoplift somewhere you'd be upset if you got banned from) is the main one I adhere to. If you're only shoplifting small amounts I wouldn't worry about cops either, for small amounts they'll just ban you from the store, at least where I live idk about everywhere.

For individuals, I wouldn't steal from them if you care about your relationship with them. If they find out they'll probably be upset. If I found out someone stole from me I'd mostly be upset at the dishonesty. So it's good that you've been honest with your mom and are going to tell your brother. If it were me, I would be thinking, if you need something from me you could've just asked. Although it sounds like you're not stealing because it's something you particularly want or need, but just because you find stealing fun. In which case I would say just try to limit your stealing to shoplifting, or piracy if it scratches the same itch. Or steal from people you find particularly contemptible I guess.

I used to steal a lot when I was a teen, mostly for the thrill. We grow and we mature and we change. It sounds like you're becoming a better person and also watching out for your future. That's commendable.

I agree with another user who suggested therapy. I've been in therapy most of my life (with some gaps) starting when I was the teen who was constantly getting arrested and causing trouble. It switched from a thing I was forced to do and became a thing that I do to help realize my goals in adulthood. Example: figured out why I was still angry about a thing from years ago and successfully put it behind me in a recent session.

Maybe you don't need to speak to someone. That's fine, too. Your brain is still developing. If you succeed in not stealing any more and you pay back your brother perhaps it's all fine. But again, I think there's value in understanding the compulsion if you still feel it but aren't acting on it.

You're not a shitty person. If you go back to stealing, you'll be something of a shitty person. But if it's a phase you've outgrown and you try to make it right, that's called being young and stupid. We all go through it to some degree in our own ways. Focus on your future and on being a good person each day. It's fine.

I get why you would feel like a bad person. You stole and that's easily considered wrong. Feeling bad about that is natural.

I think you are allowed room for mistakes. And if something is a habit it is good to be kind to yourself. Cleaning up a long held bad habit can take longer than we expect.

My advice is that sometimes we realize we want to live differently, and that's awesome. You obviously want to give back and be kind to people. You are also very young and impulse control is a bitch. It doesn't finish developing till late 20s.

You'll make more mistakes in the future. You'll realize you've hurt people and that's okay, that's life. Just keep adjusting and don't be too hard on yourself.

I would be careful of talking to professionals under the current administration. Good people sometimes do bad things, bad people sometimes do good things. Under any other administration prior, I would have agreed with seeking professional help. Now not so much. But you can overcome this. It's not necessarily going to be easy, but you can.