Asklemmy

Premises:

1. My family watches the news for [weather] and [ye local murder].
2. My friend says: his dad says: "the news lies."
3. Parents are trustworthy, and cops can't lie to the news.

Conclusion:

They lie about the WEATHER!?

Not sure what age I was, maybe 4. I thought the music on the radio was live, that the musicians went to the radio station to sing and it was broadcast from there.

In the 80s when i was a child there were billboards with PSAs saying don't drink and drive. I'd promptly scold my parents if i caught them taking a sip from their soft drink after hitting the McDonald's drive through.

That there were little gnomes inside the doors of the cars and that they were in charge of raising and lowering the windows, especially in the automatic cars.

that i was a boy

The semaphore homunculus lived in the stop lights at intersections.

In my Superman onesie (w/ cape), I could fly, but was never brave enough to launch from a high enough step on the stairs. I knew I was flying, but...

That God exists

I thought every song on the radio was being performed live somewhere

New York city was the size of the whole state. Like the entire thing looked like manhattan.

I thought adults were smarter than me

I thought those crosses or flowers on the side of the road were where they buried the person who died in an accident.

The USA was the moral leader the world. But I watched CNN as a kid so...

I'm gonna sound so stupid, but I thought checks just gave you free money. I thought my parents were wasting a check by writing such a small amount, and ask them something like why not write a bigger number?

Then they explained that you need money in the bank to work. I was too young to even be embarrassed, I was just like ok cool, didn't even realize how dumb I was.

In my defence, I was like 9 and I just arrived in the US and never heard of a "check" before.

I thought that I'd die of cancer because that's my zodiac sign and nobody could convince me otherwise.

Pretty common belief among stupid 7-year-olds, I think; humans couldn't see colour up to the mid-60s.

I remember knowing that knives will cut you and make you bleed, and that when people were shot in movies they would bleed, therefore bullets must be shaped like little blades.

I believed a kid who told me that every 4th of July, former US presidents who were still alive - which I somehow imagined was a large group - stood in a circle around the statue of liberty and held hands singing, "He's got the whole world in his hands."

Actors are dying... for real.

I believed I was an adopted alien from outer space before I realised my face is like my father's but prettier.

Americans/Canadians made out while they undressed before sex, like in the movies. English people calmly undressed in front of each other and then began having sex in a dispassionate and business-like fashion. I think some other kid heard an adult say it as a joke then passed it on as a learned truth.

I had to go to a private Christian school in third grade - not because we were religious, we were not, but because gang violence was getting serious in my town and the private school was seen as the safe option my mom decided on for a year even though we couldn't afford it.

Again, not religious, but Christian school meant we had to go to "Chapel" every day - Sing bible songs and get the typical religious indoctrination. Anywho... In the chapel, there was a giant rectangular speaker box suspended up at the center of the ceiling. Not sure how but with all the talk of Jesus dying for your sins and everything, I became convinced that that speaker box was his coffin. I thought he was there, suspended above us, every day at Chapel in our little school

I thought that the Michelin tire company was headquartered in Michigan, USA and not France. In my defense, most of the US auto industry is based in Michigan, and they sound similar.

Also: I will never accept the "fact" that the Michelin Man is named "Bibendum"

Can I'll cheat a little and use my teen years.
When let's plays where the new hot thing, I thought a blind let's play literally meant, eyes closed

I thought the "Gulf War" was in fact the "GOLF War" and was happening at a golf course near our home.. like … halfway to see uncle Peter!! 😅

That tv programming would pause when I turned the TV off.

Not me, but I have heard that kids used to think 'olden times' were black & white, because all old films were before the introduction of colour. Like, it's only in the last 80? years that people see in colour...

It makes me giggle when modern movies use b&w to depict pre 21st century, or even 'flashbacks' are b&w

That all adults are smokers.

Two that come to mind:

People would say that's an "old timey" car or something and I thought that was a brand name.

I thought the people who had really tall spiky mohawks had hair that just grew like that.

That life would be better as an adult.

I thought the glyph for "heated seat" in cars depicted a raised fist with the pinkie finger extended rather than a chair with heat waves eminating from it.

The Tea at the Treedome episode of SpongeBob SquarePants further convinced me I was seeing it correctly, and I since knew it as "the fancy button". In some regard, I wasn't entirely wrong.

"When in doubt, pinkie out!"

rice turned water into soil

Cthulhu is a Hindu god