Casual Conversation

There’s a lot going on with this post, but it almost sounds like you feel your life is in a rut? You have a life that’s stuck going 20 on a 25mph street, it’s just feeling kind of mundane, is that it? I think I deal with a similar thing, though quite a different situation, I think alot of people deal with this. It’s hard to address it for others because we only know what you’ve written, but here’s some random advice I’d give:

• You don’t need the gym to get physically active, just start walking. Don’t try to go all out, just go for small bursts, whatever you have the time for. The important thing is to create a repeatable routine that you can commit to regularly. Once you’ve got the routine established, start building onto it as you get bored with it.
• D&D and other rpgs at least can be played online, you can just play via Roll20 if you find an online group to play with, there’s usually sites or Discord channels that advertise for groups looking for players. Our group switched to online games and we’re playing more now than we ever did pre-pandemic.
• Appreciate the mundane. It sounds dumb, but your life could always be worse. To you it seems boring, but you’re in an enviable position that alot of other people don’t have.
• Sometimes you just have to take a leap of faith to get what you want, get out of your comfort zone. Do something impulsively, break the routine, start something new. Start a new hobby, learn some new skill, try something you might fail at, mix the shit up and see what happens. Just stop doing the same things that are making you feel like you’re in a rut.

Life is unsatisfactory.

It's also a game and you're free to play it how you want. Not playing by the same rules everyone else does can be fun sometimes.

Stop using social media to prevent FOMO. Use that time to start talks with random strangers outdoors.

Mild to moderate depression. Pretty classic signs. Not getting enjoyment out of nice things (anhedonia), tiredness, difficulty getting yourself to do things even when you might like doing them, pessimism about the future, having difficulty thinking clearly, etc. These are all very common symptoms of depression.

It sounds like you're feeling unsatisfied with your current life and what you spend money on, and that you have a lot of ideas for what you could enjoy more but you have a hard time getting started.

Completely changing your life is hard, and you probably won't go 0 to "move to thailand" in one day, especially not if you are lacking energy. You might need to start with smaller things. Do just one of the smaller things you think you might enjoy. Go to the gym once. Have a board game night once. Spend the 40 minutes on getting to a DND group once. Then keep doing small things that make you happier or bring you closer to something that does.

Also, if you like going to thailand, and don't like yardwork or getting kitchen supplies etc, budget accordingly. Do the mimimal spend you can on yard stuff. It's OK to not like that. Talk to your wife and find a compromise budget if you need to.

Sounds like some depression.

It seems like a little buyers remorse - the house and what it represents. There's an adjustment going on and it's not going well for you.

I'm going through something similar and I'm looking at your post feeling a little envious. A wife? Sounds good. I'm struggling just to make friends. A house? Wow. I'm renting a small room and had to buy a loft bed to make more space.

I'm definitely not saying this to make you feel better by comparing yourself to me.

It seems like you know that your life is good but that you're not feeling it.

My life is definitely better than it was but I'm definitely feeling the absence of having someone close to me. I know that's improving but it's definitely not helping me feel better.

All I can do is try to focus on what I have and on what is going well. It's really kinda awful because it doesn't work well. The quiet moments are the worst.

I'm trying to change up a couple of things, such as adding in a few minutes of meditation and physical activity each day. Nothing too crazy, just something small.

But where is the excitement?

Don't know your age but I think this is what mid life crisis is: people chasing excitement.

When you're young and experiencing everything for the first time it's exciting. Then it becomes routine and normal. The problem is when people keep chasing that excitement high forever. I think the solution to that is that you have to take joy in the little things in life.

Hey there. This feels way less like casual conversation and a lot more like the opening monolog of a client just starting therapy.

Instead of bringing this feeling of dissatisfaction to Lemmy I'd strongly recommend talking to a psychologist or otherwise competent qualified counsellor.

having said that, 40 mins isn't that crazy for a d and d night once a week my guy get out there three times and if you regret it ok. you know what I'm saying?

Do one thing every day that scares you

This might be harsh, but ... You need a better attitude towards life. You're too scared to do things you say you want to do (barista) or can't be arsed to do them (40 min by car, really?). Do you have anyone in your life who would give you honest advice? Find them and listen to them.

maybe see a therapist on why you want to fill the gaping hole in your life with spending money. i was there once a long, long time ago. it turns out the person i was with was not doing it for me and the overt money spending.. 'experiences' was covering it up.

i had to learn to appreciate the small things, garner new hobbies and change the people in my life. but ya gotta do the work

I hear you.

Many will likely parse this as hidden depression or an unhappy marriage or a need to find a hobby or something.

I feel like it’s deeper. The whole urban grind lifestyle just doesn’t work for some. They feel the prison bars on their skin. They’re wired for movement and novelty and exploration. And I think that’s perfectly fine. To be celebrated even.

Moreover, I think we’re all like that a bit but find it hard to question modern life which for all of its material gains is, IMO, unnaturally keen to lock people into highly repetitive rhythms and constraining obligations.

At least you got into a relationship, have you own place and family. I bet I'm older than you and got nothing of that. You're lucky

Edit:Yeah, you're younger. Dude I'm a failed virgin without a place and can't drive, you can do a lot worse

Yes, debt can chain a person to years of grind.