this post was submitted on 13 Dec 2023
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[–] [email protected] 60 points 9 months ago (5 children)

I've been sticking $30 in pennies up my ass for the past 11 years. That's 3,000 pennies a day, 21,000 pennies a week, 1,092,000 pennies a year. To date, that's 12,012,000 pennies. Eight times the population of Nebraska. Those pennies were in my ass! You think you're better than me? Oh, you're not better than me. You handle my ass pennies every day. You pick up my ass pennies for good luck. You throw my ass pennies in fountains and make wishes on them. You give my ass pennies to your little daughter to buy gumballs with. You handle my ass pennies every day. All of you! You ALL handle my ass pennies! Oh, I'll laugh at you before you can laugh at me. Because your pennies have been in my ass.

[–] [email protected] 30 points 9 months ago (2 children)

Ah you're the reason why us Canadians abolished pennies

[–] [email protected] 6 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)
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[–] [email protected] 10 points 9 months ago

Thanks for reminding me of UCB. Such a great show.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (1 children)

(in anime antagonist voice ) A brand new copy-pasta I haven't read before ? Impossible !

[–] [email protected] 20 points 9 months ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 2 points 9 months ago

New Thing Discovered!

[–] [email protected] 2 points 9 months ago

Is...is this what people call art? It's majestic....

[–] [email protected] 6 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

I think ¢anada phassed-out Ass Pennies

[–] [email protected] 4 points 9 months ago

How do you know those pennies weren't pre-assed...multiple times...by multiple people...and sometimes not people

[–] [email protected] 10 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Tic tacs. Shove them up your ass

[–] [email protected] 2 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

Those horse pills?!

[–] [email protected] 9 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (2 children)

Actually yeah. I don't know the brand name but they have charcoal filter underwear that just absorbs the smell, and they also have others that have little scent pads that turn your farts into like apple pie smell and stuff.

Have no idea how well they actually work though. I've never used them nor do I know anyone who has.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 9 months ago

Should come in Shartcolate "flavor"

[–] [email protected] 2 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

Does apple pie make ur farts smell like apple pie? Asking for a~~n orange~~ fren

[–] [email protected] 8 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (1 children)

There a scented douches, and I don't see why they wouldn't work in the orifice next to the intend one.

[–] [email protected] 21 points 9 months ago

Narrator: there are many reasons not to do that.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Yes. I heard of something like that on the podcast "A problem squared". It was a pill invented by some french doctor I think? I'm not sure.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (1 children)

Because of course it was the French 🧀🍷🐌 🦜

[–] [email protected] 3 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Just looked it up. He's called Christian Poincheval and he's not a doctor. The pill is called Pilule Pet which I think is a pun in french

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[–] [email protected] 7 points 9 months ago (3 children)

there was this charcoal underwear sold at one point.

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[–] [email protected] 7 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Pop “Charcoal Shreddies” into a search engine.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 5 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (1 children)

It’s charcoal infused undies called Shreddies lol. They also have a banana shaped items that sits in between your butt cheeks to filter them toots.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

Air ~~between~~ on a G-String

[–] [email protected] 6 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Gelomyrthol makes my farts smell like mint after taking them for a few days 😅

[–] [email protected] 4 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

That an antibiotic?

Edit: rectified eucaplyptus, well that makes sense. Might wanna double-check on how they "rectify" it. Might be to literal for IRL

[–] [email protected] 6 points 9 months ago (2 children)

I use wintergreen life saver mints as suppositories. Be sure they are in the correct orientation, the hole is for the farts to pass through.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 9 months ago

Do they also change fart sounds to a wheeeeezzzzz ??? We need that product

[–] [email protected] 2 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (1 children)

Little known fact: anything can be a suppository with enough force, a lil elbow grease, and the right attitude

[–] [email protected] 2 points 9 months ago (2 children)

And lube, please don't forget the lube

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[–] [email protected] 5 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (1 children)

There are "internal deodorants" like this one https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bismuth_subgallate

It's available over the counter.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

To bad theres not ~~roll-on~~ roll-in ;)

[–] [email protected] 4 points 9 months ago (1 children)

I think mustard is a folk remedy for gas. And not the store bought condiment, that usually makes me fart, but rather mustard powder as used in Indian cuisine.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 9 months ago

I was actually going to make a joke or pun on my Of course its the French(es)

[–] [email protected] 4 points 9 months ago

High dietary fiber like beer, veggies, or beans creates large amounts of gas, but meat is what makes it smell bad. In my opinion pork is the worst, beef is not great, and chicken is still bad but the least offensive. Eggs can be sulphuric. If you want to deodorize your farts try being vegetarian for 2 or 3 days.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 9 months ago (3 children)
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