Autism

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Dating/Hangout Anxieties? (lemmy.world)

submitted 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

3 comments fedilink hide all child comments

Anyone else get anxiety when waiting for communication on anything soft-planned (or even hard planned for that matter)? Spiraling and all that.

Especially if the person involved is late or didn't respond. Ofc the reaction is to check in, that's what I'd want someone else to do for me if I indicated I'd do something or message someone. However, that can be interpreted as being needy or clingy when really I just want to know the plan and not be left hanging.

Life happens ofc, people gotta cancel plans, that's okay. But what really rubs things wrong is being left without information, that's when the anxiety shoots. Do you wait for them, or go do something else? If you go do something else, what happens when they're suddenly available? That's not respecting my time, so it's rude, but do you convey that?? What if you hinged your day on something, that just throws a big ass wrench in.

Everyone is living their own lives, and things happen, preventing communication. It just feels like it's more common than it used to be, or more... Negligent?

Gah.

I guess /rant really.

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[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 months ago

If I can offer an alternate perspective..

By making such concrete plans you may be ceding too much "control" to someone who you don't yet know will have the same reliance on solid planning or respect for other's time as you do.

So, if that's the case, what can you do about it?

Plan differently.

Plan a one hour "date with yourself" that also works for you + a date.

Example: Make a plan to meet at a coffee shop or cheap bistro near a park... but bring a book/kindle/podcast/homework, or whatever you'd otherwise do on your own.

If they show, cool, you now have topics to discuss. If things are going well, continue over a walk in the park.

If they flake, cool, you've now got a solid hour to do something you enjoy, in a (hopefully) interesting place, and you've done it for cheap... Maybe take yourself on a walk in the park. :)

Hope that helps a bit.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Yep; anxiety bordering on dread.

But that's true whenever I'm supposed to reach out to anyone or meet up anywhere.
My brain just doesn't handle stuff like that in a reasonable way in general.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 months ago

Same. The anxiety to dread pipeline is far too strong.

And just for small things I feel off and withdrawn for a day or two after.

I hate it, and want to be better, and not become seriously anxious and dreadful.