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Fox host demands video of JD Vance having sex with a couch (www.lgbtqnation.com)

submitted 3 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I’ve had it up to here with people saying JD Vance had sex with a couch. How many times do I have to say there’s no evidence JD Vance had sex with a couch before people stop saying JD Vance had sex with a couch? Liberals must be pretty desperate to make up that JD Vance had sex with a couch. The story that on March 17, 2011 JD Vance was banned from a Cleveland area IKEA after so thoroughly deflowering a KIVIK Sofa Chaise that it had to be removed as a biohazard due to the various fluids in and around it, causing the night manager to not only quit but need intensive therapy is beyond the pale. Who would believe this? There is sworn. court. testimony. that JD Vance has not made bare skin contact with a couch within the past 5 years. That’s a fact. Look it up. The idea that this is because JD Vance cannot contain his overwhelming sexual urges in the presence of soft furniture is reckless conjecture. Calling JD Vance a couchfucker is slander and you need to take it back.

The Left™ will do anything to avoid talking about the real issues in this campaign, like the fact that Kamala Harris laughs sometimes.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 months ago

It’s funny you say that. However it’s a Fox News person that’s asking for this.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 months ago (1 children)

JD Vance is too much of a coward to release the couch sex tape

#releasethecouchtape

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 months ago

It's on Hunter's laptop.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

There's a lot to unpack in that statement:

“We don’t buy the hoaxes and believe the hype anymore,” he continued.

Yeah, Fox sells them, not buys them. Get your facts straight.

“Our eyes are wide open.

Uh-oh. That sounds pretty woke to me.

And if you’re gonna accuse someone of having sex with a couch, you better have video.” He then brought on a guest to discuss whether Harris has a chance at winning the election in November without further explaining his request for the video.

Yes, because you want to see it....for totally normal reasons.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Aunty: Oh Vance! My favorite nephew! Come in come in! Sit on the couch with me! What brings you here?

Vance: nobody likes me because I wear makeup like women do and I like to fuck the couch!

Aunty: well worry no more! You can stay with us for as long as you like! There's just one thing I need to tell you about.

Vance: what is it?

Aunty: your uncle and I have a house policy where we don't wear any clothes indoors. Is that okay? I'm sure if we talk to your uncle, we can agree to let you fuck a couch too!

Vance proceeds to get complete naked. Uncle comes into the scene and the aunty is already naked too.

Vance: hi uncle!

Uncle: well hello! I see you are getting used to the rules of the house!

Aunty: yes. He also would like it if he could fuck the couch when he feels the need.

Uncle: no problem!

Scene cuts to Vance taking a shower. For more on this please refer to your favorite pornhub show.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 3 months ago (1 children)

why did you write this?

you either write fanfic, and know how to shitpost, OR you consume a lot of porn, it's one of the two.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Is there a spitefic genre yet?

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 months ago

probably, i think that's just fanfic though. Idk if there would be a specific genre lmao. I'd support it though.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Hey guys, it’s time to mature up and admit that Vance probably did not have sex with a couch.

He made love to it. Also, the couch was totally asking for it.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 months ago

You know the couch was into it... When the couch doesn't want it, nature has ways of just shutting all that down.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 3 months ago (2 children)

I'm sorry... I'm way outta the loop on this one.

Someone explain?

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

Vance fucked a couch

(It was a joke someone made. I think it was originally amplified when AP decided to “fact check” what was clearly an internet joke)

Edit: https://ftw.usatoday.com/2024/07/jd-vance-couch-memes-associated-press

AP pulled the fact check at one point

[–] [email protected] 0 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (3 children)

This is extremely simplistic and reductive, but essentially, after JD Vance was named Trump's VP, someone made a shit post saying 'Wow, I can't believe he said he had sex with a couch, that's wild'. To their slight credit, the same person commented like an hour later admiting it was all a lie (they just posted the Arthur meme of "You think someone would do that? Go on the internet and tell lies?"), but that didn't really matter and it got shared around a lot, mostly by people who knew it was fake news but still thought it was funny anyway.

Later that week, AP News did a fact check on it (because, sadly, they have to do A LOT of false-fact debunking) and they essentially said "JD Vance did not have sex with a couch". HOWEVER, they have an internal policy that says their fact-checks must say only the truth, even if they have to be extremely specific in their wording. Since they originally said "No, he has never had sex with a couch" but, technically speaking, unless they've been spying on him for his entire life, there's no way to actually PROVE that, so they had to take it down. Lots of people saw it get taken down and jumped on that fact as a 'Well, then he must have done it, obviously' and the memes continued.

Fast forward to today, and some FOX host who probably still uses Yahoo as their search engine and has no connection with meme culture is demanding the video proof that they presume to exist despite no one EVER saying that there's proof.

Hope that answered most of your questions

Edit: slightly wording fix

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 months ago (1 children)

tl;dr version: the left has learned to meme

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 months ago

And right is weird

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 months ago

I didn't even know it was a story until I read about the retraction. Like, "What do you mean they retracted their story saying he didn't tuck a couch...? Does that mean...?"

[–] [email protected] 0 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Is yahoo search even a thing still? I used it like a week ago and it said powered by Bing. I wouldn't be surprised if they took down their search engine and just use a version of Bing instead of an amalgamation.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Yahoo search was killed years ago by the guy that now runs Google search.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 months ago (1 children)

This should be the most insane sentence in the thread, except that we're in a thread about a vice presidential candidate possibly fucking a couch.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 months ago

There's only one way out. The VP candidate now needs to prove beyond all reasonable doubt that he has never fucked a couch.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Stark difference in the immediate memes that came out about Harris vs Vance. Coconut tree is quirky, couch is weird.

[–] [email protected] -1 points 3 months ago

Coconut tree is quirky, couch is weird.

Coconut Tree is Wine Mom trying to explain a legitimately profound idea she read in a book once in college.

Couch is Creepy Uncle trying to lure you into his shed.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Anyone else hoping that a video surfaces just so we can make the conservatives watch it? Bonus points if he refers to the couch as Flipper while borking it.

[–] [email protected] -1 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

Anyone else hoping that a video surfaces just so we can make the conservatives watch it?

The new Rick Roll is inserting footage of JD Vance fucking a couch in between scenes of Hunter Biden fucking a prostitute.

Once Republicans regain power, these will be the only two legal forms of pornography.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 3 months ago (1 children)

You know, until recently I thought that the golden days of Internet activism were over and we were mostly living in times where it was ridiculously easy to get things censored on the Internet.

Then something as stupid as this gets this amount of attention because of Internet users having way too much time and energy to spread it. WTF

[–] [email protected] 0 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (1 children)

Oh fuck yeah spread it

[–] [email protected] 0 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Are there no actually serious issues in the world that it is worth spreading information about? I think there are.

[–] [email protected] -1 points 3 months ago

Shit I forgot that we're only allowed to talk about one thing at a time, and if someone makes a joke then all the other information dies.

[–] [email protected] -1 points 3 months ago

LGBTQ Nation Media Bias Fact Check Credibility: [Medium] (Click to view Full Report)

LGBTQ Nation is rated with Medium Creditability by Media Bias Fact Check.

Bias: Left
Factual Reporting: Mostly Factual
Country: United States of America
Full Report: https://mediabiasfactcheck.com/lgbtq-nation/

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[–] [email protected] -1 points 3 months ago

It's so funny to see FOX News doing The Whitey Tape to themselves.

[–] [email protected] -2 points 3 months ago

Fox News? More like Cocks News, am I right?