"We can’t boot into safe mode because our BitLocker keys are stored inside of a service that we can’t login to because our AD is down."
backup your backups. I mean, I don't work the IT side and i'm a developer but...isn't it common sense to like not 100% use something to store keys where you potentially can't log into? For me if I have a key that I need to use to decrypt something, hell even to log into discord if my 2FAs fail, I store them on a USB drive. If i'm using something and it says "you'll need a key for backups just in case" ok cool, key goes on the drive.
Also Microsoft should be getting just as much flak as Crowdstrike is right now. Bitlocker is god awful and the fact you need decryption keys for many devices to simply boot into safe is stupid. I remember when I still used win11 and I fucked something up and I discovered for the first time I needed a bitlocker code to simply get into safemode or recovery mode. I had no idea and thought it was so stupid. just to get into safe? really?