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Why YSK: These email tips are helpful for people who struggle with boundaries and want to communicate more assertively.
My personal ones for corporate use:
Never use I when you can use we.
Even if you're the only one working on a project, never refer to it as yours. Always refer to it as ours.
Don't apologize, present solutions.
Don't say "read my fucking email again you goddamn illiterate moron", say "As previously noted in our communications...."
Our company "russian anthem starts playing"
“Per my last email…”
good ‘ol corporate clap back
I will also attach old emails rather than repeat myself.
The last one is particularly important if you like to eat.
Some of these are good, some are just needlessly assertive nonsense. Especially the two where it's actively refusing to acknowledge fault or apologize for it, which is standard PR crap. Refusing to apologize and instead saying "thanks for your patience" is what I expect to hear from my ISP when they miss their scheduled install, not from a coworker.
There's nothing wrong with being a normal human being that is capable of admitting their own shortcomings. If never saying sorry means "being a boss" then that explains why there's so many sociopaths as CEOs.
"Hope that make sense?" Vs "Let me know if you have any questions."
The latter is saying "here's the explanation, figure it out, bother me again if you can't". The fromer, while poorly worded, is being helpful, actively attempting to make sure the person understands before leaving them to it. It's both a kindness and doing your due diligence.
Seriously.. and oftentimes just combining both works better. "Hey sorry I'm late, I appreciate you all being patient" or "Hope that all makes sense, but please feel free to ask any questions if they come up"
Half of it is fragile CEO ego reply
Yeah seriously, there's nothing wrong with admitting you made a mistake.
"It'd be easier to discuss in person" means "I don't want a record of this because it's either illegal or shows my incompetence".
Any meeting that they want to talk about in writing should ALWAYS be recorded.
I greatly prefer some of the "wrong" ones. Not everyone needs to talk like a corporate robot.
"When can I expect an update" makes you sound like a micro managing POS
God I hate forced formality like this. This is the kind of shit Gen Z and millennials are rebelling against and I'm all for it. It is stupid for us to encourage people to be themselves and then to expect them to act like a completely different person at work, including the way they talk.
You may see it as forced formality, but these tips were created by a person with ADHD to help others who struggle with setting boundaries, especially with time. The creator is a Millennial comic artist. It helps me be more myself when I respect my schedule and don't over-apologize, but I can understand that not everyone sees it the same way.
I think you can do all of the things you said without being overly formal about everything! For reference I have ADHD too. ☺️
I honestly don't see these as being overly formal, but I worked in finance and real estate legal compliance for many years and that may have warped my perception. I think it all depends on your environment and how well the person reading this knows you (aka will they be able to recognize your intended tone?)
People write work emails differently, but I write more like the "don't" list than the "boss" list in most situations. I also rarely put much thought into it unless it's an extremely delicate situation. The only problem I have with this post is it's presumption that your way is the boss way and the other way is somehow inferior.
To be honest, I find most of these passive aggressive and patronizing.
I agree, but, you'd be surprised how many people find many of these seemingly innocuous distinctions offensive (if only a little bit). For example, I was once chided by HR for saying 'no problem' during a seemingly friendly discussion.
I mean apparently some people think a thumbs up in a chat is passive aggressive.
👍
I attach a goatse to my email communicationsz tonrrally drive home the point of urgency in the face of devastating consequences.
Follow me for more productivity tips.
Its not that simple. Its ok to apologize sometimes. But not so apologize every fucking time like I do for every minor slide. Also I can see the usefulness to just make the shot call instead of staying 1h writing that message/email. Others are ok too.
For me personally, receiving a ‘just wanted to check in’ feels less aggressive than ‘when can I expect an update’
Otherwise I agree with the rest
One tip here is to remove "just" as it will come across as more confident. The use of "just" is often unnecessary and can come across as apologetic.
I don't read it any differently with or without just. I'm not sure what you mean by apologetic or why that would be a bad thing.
The thank you for your patience one has always rubbed me wrong. There's honor in apologizing in my opinion. I do like the making a mistake one though and I've tried to adopt that mentality when I'm working with QA on something I've merged. I want them to feel good about finding the mistakes and I want to avoid an adversarial relationship. I've learned that I get way better tickets from QA if they like how I treat them. Treat them like valuable experts and they'll act like valuable experts.
I don't like it, and will always apologize if it is my fault.
Honestly, I think its terrible advice lol. This is the type of shit that makes people not like management.
The thank you for your patience one has always rubbed me wrong.
I wouldn't say wrong - it is disrespectful since I wasn't patient by choice. You fucked up, you own it. But then I'm not a native speaker, maybe it just feels that way in my country.
Some of these come across dickish
All of these are really good examples of writing a good email, except the bottom left one.
The "wrong" example is perfectly fine, and the "correct" example is pretty rude unless you're a project manager addressing your team. Even if you were a project manager, it's still pretty rude.
As someone who frequently says "No problem" after someone thanks me for helping them, I'm now worried someone has taken that the wrong way.
happy to help is such a garbage line.
I don't get why its bad to say that/why people would take it the wrong way?
YSK, the person that embraces all of these, as written, is RIGHTFULLY perceived as an assholes by their peers.
In a good workplace, none of these fucking matter...
This is borderline toxic management lol.