this post was submitted on 26 Jun 2024
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Showerthoughts

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Why couldn't this call be an email? Why would you call, when you know that you are near indistinguishable from spam calls about Microsoft services and Nigerian princes?

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[–] [email protected] 72 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (2 children)

Phone calls also assume the person on the other end wants to be bothered. If you choose to not answer, you're treated like the a-hole and are expected to explain why ("I've been trying to call you. Why haven't you picked up?")

To quote Stephen Fry:

"A telephone is a fantastically rude thing. I mean, it's like going 'speak to me now! Speak to me now! Speak to me now!'. If you went to someone's office and banged on their desk and said, 'I will make a noise until you speak to me' it would be considered unbelievably rude."

[–] [email protected] 20 points 4 months ago

I was trying to explain to an elderly friend that people don’t just phone other people now and certainly not at times they will be doing something.

She found it hard to accept that many people find it rude to be called unannounced.

As an example, at one time if someone was organising a social event (eg party) they would phone around to invite people.

But that’s incredibly rude you are imposing on someone and also asking them to decide or excuse themselves on the spot.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 4 months ago (1 children)

I have a coworker that if you try to call her and she doesn't want to talk she straight up changes her status to away or busy and then just ignores your call. She is an a-hole but not for this reason, lol.

[–] [email protected] 32 points 4 months ago (2 children)

Shortly after getting a cell phone, I made a personal policy that most people don't get a free pass to interrupt my life whenever they want (there are a handful of people on the short list, of course). I've had friends and family comment that I'm hard to contact by phone, and I've always pleasantly agreed (and explained politely if they seem interested). Even texts or other messages can wait until I'm at a good place to respond.

For me, having my phone on silent most of the time is a mental health thing. I know people that have their attention diverted every few minutes, and I have no idea how they survive.

[–] [email protected] 23 points 4 months ago (2 children)

Try having a brain that is compelled to actively search for new distractions, and

[–] [email protected] 14 points 4 months ago

Squirrel!!!

[–] [email protected] 8 points 4 months ago

My wife has ADHD. I feel you, fam.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 4 months ago (1 children)

When my dad wants to talk, he texts me something like "Hey Stephen, give me a call when you have a chance", and then I oblige when I have a chance. Most of the time it probably could have been an entirely text exchange, but whatever.

When my mom wants to talk, she just calls out of the blue, I don't answer, and usually we don't end up talking.

...I forgot where exactly I was going with this, but something about lining the call up beforehand

[–] [email protected] 3 points 4 months ago

Yeah, at this point, it's polite to arrange a call, especially if it's probably more than a minute or two. And as you've noted, it's also more successful than a cold call.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 4 months ago

For me an email is when I don't need a quick response. A text is when I want a faster response but I don't want to interrupt what the other person is doing. A call is when I want a quick response and I think it's worth interrupting the person.

I very rarely call.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 4 months ago (1 children)

I think context makes a difference on whether a call is welcome or not, appropriate or not.

If the email asks me to write out a bunch of info I know off the top of my head, just call me. Don't make me write out something that I can just tell you much faster.

If you're asking something that kicks off a conversation going back and forth like if you need help walking through something, sending emails back and forth is annoying and dumb. Knocking it out in one call is faster and easier than exchanging 15 emails.

On the other hand, if you don't need an answer right away, if you need documents or images or if you need to communicate about something that requires a record of the communication, email is better.

I have been annoyed equally by getting calls and emails when people use them for things when they aren't ideal.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 4 months ago

I can see both points. In my experience, people misuse calls more often, since a work-related call would often require a follow-up email anyway, but that's more anecdotal evidence

[–] [email protected] 13 points 4 months ago (1 children)

For me it would help if there would be an option for me to see the at least the reason why the call is being made and also an estimated time of the call.

And with work related calls, it kind of makes me insecure to not know the topic beforehand. I don't want to blob out some half information. Write it in email, I'll see for it and get back to you.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 4 months ago (1 children)

For me it would help if there would be an option for me to see the at least the reason why the call is being made and also an estimated time of the call.

There is: the person calling can first send a short text asking if they can call you to talk about ________.

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[–] [email protected] 12 points 4 months ago

Generally I get work emails to tell me things and work phone calls to ask me things. One twenty minute conference call could equate to about 800 emails going back and forth. (Also, some of our best staff don’t read and write (English) too well.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 4 months ago

I greatly prefer messaging, but sometimes I call because it'll take me 5 minutes to talk on the phone and 25 minutes to get it all hashed out through texts.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (1 children)

Phone etiquette for the 2020s:

Message:

Hi, I wanted to talk about X. I think it’ll take about 5-10 minutes. When would be a convenient time to call?

Phone calls themselves don’t annoy me. People who expect to call you at any time and then get upset you won’t drop what you’re doing to speak to them annoy me.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 4 months ago (1 children)

This makes me irrationally angry because whenever I hear this, putting the time it took to ask would have been enough time to just type up a few sentences in an email that would explain everything everyone needed to know and then we've also got it in an easily searchable format so we can reference it later if needed.

I may be a little bitter.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 4 months ago

I think it depends. If it’s a quick thing that requires no clarification, email or text all the way. But if you need to tease out fine details, a phone call is much faster and easier.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 months ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 12 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Faster for the one who is calling, at the expense of the receiving person

[–] [email protected] 3 points 4 months ago (2 children)

Idk, it's usually faster for both, no?

You can just answer your friend and say hello. lol

[–] [email protected] 3 points 4 months ago (1 children)

I have interpreted this post to mean a work-related call, since you wouldn't mistake call from a friend for a spam call (it wouldn't be an unknown number, for one). Otherwise, yes, it would be weird to replace calls from people that are close to you with emails.

Work calls, though, could be replaced with written communication in 80-90% of the cases, and it would also make it easier to follow-up and continue the discussion across multiple days, if needed

[–] [email protected] 3 points 4 months ago

Ok, that's totally fair. I would absolutely hate to get a work call from an unknown number. Tha didn't even cross my mind!

I was interpreting it as simply hearing your phone ring and thinking it could be a spam caller (I really need to set up custom ringtones at some point)

[–] [email protected] 0 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Sure, just need to pull out my earbud if it wasn't already in, push my welder out of the way, make my way out of the shop and into the yard where there isn't constant grinder or saw noise, probably find a sheltered spot because it's fuckin wimdy, and all before the call goes to voicemail because if I answer on my way towards the door I'll get complaints about how it's loud and they can't hear me over the background noise.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Then just don't answer? Why is it so hard for people to understand that just because I call doesn't mean you need to answer. You're busy and will respond later, that's what voicemail is for.

It's like getting a very long notification for a message. You can either reply now (by answering and talking) or reply later by just ignoring the call and responding in whichever manner you prefer later.

I don't understand why people think a call has to be answered.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 4 months ago

Then just don't answer?

With the people who tend to call out of the blue, not answering tends to result in repeated calls, and then when I finally have a chance to call back, usually it should have just been a text.

If the conversation is best had via an actual call, text me and we'll schedule a call. We'll schedule it soon, like "call you in ten minutes" soon, but it's just easier with a little heads up.

If you are calling me without any kind of notice during working hours, somebody better be in the hospital or morgue; if you're calling me without any notice outside of working hours, alcohol better be involved

[–] [email protected] 0 points 4 months ago

Ah yes, I want to listen to your "uuuhm" and "hold on, little Jon just shit himself", incoherent, un-premeditated thoughts, with absolutely no proof of the contents of the conversation.

At the end of the phonecall, I'll probably ask you to send me an email with a summary of what we talked about, because I can't be bothered to keep all that mess you've just unloaded in my memory.

Unless you're my dad or my mom, you're sending me a message in a way it's convenient to you.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 4 months ago (1 children)

My work gave everyone digital desk phones. The calls come through the computer.

I still barely ever get calls, and the Voicemail go to my email.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 4 months ago

At my last job they assigned one of those to me and never told me. I had already been there about a year when I discovered it. I had like 500 voicemails. Haha.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (1 children)

I remember a very rude university lecturer called me once when I was in Tesco. He told me to turn off the Tesco self checkout because of background noise. I was in the middle of buying my groceries. Wut.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Something would get turned off really quick.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 4 months ago (1 children)

I think his wife did. He radiated big "divorced man" energy

[–] [email protected] 3 points 4 months ago (1 children)

I was talking about the phone lmao.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

He also called me a "fucking asshole" as well which wasn't very pleasant. Basically he made an appointment for me to come to see him, notification of it was sent in the post as a footnote of a larger letter which didn't arrive until 2 days after.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

I’m so glad that spam calls aren’t a thing where I live yet. SMS spam is a relatively new phenomenon here.

EDIT: I completely skipped over the point of the post. If you’re busy, or you don’t want to be called, can’t you just decline the call?

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