Comics

There's also the "I have suffered it and therefore everyone else must suffer it as well"

exactly. empathy is the ability to realize other people have different experiences than you. to think about what it's actaully like to be homeless.

but people think it means 'just agree with me and make me feel good, and if i feel bad for people i am a good person'

You ask that ... on the internet...?

Am I out of the loop?

Why don't people like Pizzacake?

My hypothesis is it's two major parts:

1. Protect one's ego at all costs. Anything that makes you feel bad, at all, is to be rejected.
2. Join in-groups that do not value or respect women.

For most people, belief is more social than we'd like to admit. So if your in-groups are a bunch of jerks who think women "talk too much" or whatever, you'll probably adopt that. It'll be continually reinforced from your socializing. Then with point #1, any time contrary evidence that does manage to break through you'll reject it rather than doing any hard work or introspection.

r/TalesFromYourServer: Kicking a Nazi out as soon as they walk in

I was at a shitty crustpunk bar once getting an after-work beer. One of those shitholes where the bartenders clearly hate you. So the bartender and I were ignoring one another when someone sits next to me and he immediately says, "no. get out."

And the dude next to me says, "hey i'm not doing anything, i'm a paying customer." and the bartender reaches under the counter for a bat or something and says, "out. now." and the dude leaves, kind of yelling. And he was dressed in a punk uniform, I noticed

Anyway, I asked what that was about and the bartender was like, "you didn't see his vest but it was all nazi shit. Iron crosses and stuff. You get to recognize them."

And i was like, ohok and he continues.

"you have to nip it in the bud immediately. These guys come in and it's always a nice, polite one. And you serve them because you don't want to cause a scene. And then they become a regular and after awhile they bring a friend. And that dude is cool too.

And then THEY bring friends and the friends bring friends and they stop being cool and then you realize, oh shit, this is a Nazi bar now. And it's too late because they're entrenched and if you try to kick them out, they cause a PROBLEM. So you have to shut them down.

And i was like, 'oh damn.' and he said "yeah, you have to ignore their reasonable arguments because their end goal is to be terrible, awful people."

And then he went back to ignoring me. But I haven't forgotten that at all.

The biggest mistake new moderators make is allowing bad actors to use the rules against them. You can't be too prescriptive, you can't give them ammo to go "well this doesn't technically violate any rule." And when they complain you have a "don't disrupt the community" rule and say it's "too vague" just tag them as potentially a problem and see what they do. In my experience, they inevitably deserve a ban.