this post was submitted on 25 Dec 2023
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I’ve found having a good psychotherapist to talk about all the things that are actually bothering me (that makes others uncomfortable) is the key. Usually it’s work or family related stress. All the little stuff isn’t really a bother, it’s just the ongoing last straw when there’s a pile of much more significant stuff underneath it being ignored.
edit: to clarify
psychotherapist = no drugs (in my experience) psychiatrist = may prescribe drugs
Both are valuable when appropriate. Sometimes you just need to talk things out with a neutral confidential 3rd party who recognizes the issues. Sometimes brain chemistry is a bitch.
I've worked through that stuff a bunch with my therapist. I do unfortunately have a lot work and family related stress that I can't avoid. Which is why I'm always trying to figure out how not to things bother me. I've been setting firmer boundaries at work, but can't exactly do that with family, but if I could somehow not let things bother me I'd be better. For example, my 12 year old is autistic, and will do things like walk up to me and say, "no TV!". To whichy response is always, "that is not how we ask for things". Then he will ask, "dad, can I watch TV?".This has been going on for years, so it immediately gets on my nerves because I know he knows how to ask properly. But I also know I shouldn't really care that much.
For me there’s a number of other coping mechanisms, like the usual breath work to try to be more meditative and objective about something, but often I employ the “at least it’s not” approach to bridge the gaps and minimize it in comparison to something worse. It’s often possible to invent a silver lining.
Such as taking a moment to think “as least it’s not shit” when the dog tracks in mud, or “at least he isn’t physically pounding the TV when he wants to watch it.” Just anything that I would rather not be dealing with more than the current thing.
It’s an aggravating world and reality. Now more than ever. Figuring out how to not be aggravated by it constantly is a lifelong challenge. I’m still working on it.